Crap,

That's it. Crap. I've gone through over two years of bad luck now and I'm beginning to think there isn't an end to it. F**k.

Oh, one last thing.

I love Turbonegro to death, punk. Seriously, I have this tattooed on my arm. That being said, Valient Thorr kind of kicked Turbonegro's ass last Sunday.

Just sayin'.

I drank with the Valient Thorr guys, but I didn't get a photo. I do have a photo with Turbonegro's new drummer:



And a drum head autographed by the band.

I will have to say that next time Valient Thorr plays, I am ALL over it.

Wordless Wednesday

TMI or Why I've been absent

This is why. When I get into sticky situations, much like the one I'm in now, things that normally come naturally seem to take a ton of energy. Things like moving, reading, turning on my computer... Basically, everything but sleeping, watching old movies, and working out seems really hard. Welcome to the wonderful world of clinical depression. It's one of those thing I used to complain about other people claiming to have. "Get up off your ass and get to it"! Then, as seems to happen to me more often than not, I was afflicted with the problem I cursed others for having. Needless to say, I'm very empathetic to the problems of others these days. Anyway, in case anyone was wondering why I've been absent, that's it. Little power to do anything and a conscious attempt to stay away from media that's not telling me anything helpful.

So, what have I been up to? We'll, I've found that the more time I spend in the gym, the less I have to think... So I've gained back a lot of the muscle I lost earlier this year and I've become a bit of a cardio fiend. I like it. I feel stronger than I have in years and actually look better than I have in a long while. Yay! Besides that, it's just trying not to be a dick to Shannon and watching old movies... Oh, and playing Company of Heros.

I've also been looking for work, though not very hard. I found one place that seems perfect. I've interviewed with them twice. If for some reason fate decides to smile on me after kicking me in the nuts a few times, I may just wind up working for the type of organization I should have been working for all long, and that I thought I was working for at one point. If not, I'm open to anything and beginning to think that I might be done with Oregon for a while. We'll see.

About the most I've felt comfortable doing web wise is facebook... And I'm spotty at that too. It's just too easy to waste 3/4 of a day there. It has been fun to reconnect with people I thought I'd lost forever though.

Basically, I'm diving into things that make me happy, trying to find the best strategies for fighting depression (a tougher fight than I would have ever though. Makes cancer look like a walk in the park), and trying learn the lesson that life is obviously trying to hit me with. Seriously, you don't run into the things I've run into in the past 6 months or so for no reason... At least I want to to believe you don't. Yeah, sure part of it is "appreciate being alive" but I think there's another, more... important? louder? profound? IDK. There's some message there. I just haven't heard it yet and I'm kind of in a holding pattern until I do. I feel like I'm on the edge of something. It might be wonderful, it might be terrible, but it IS. I just have to find out how to meet it.

Anyway, I had an idea tonight that I thought might be fun. I was thinking about posting a request for people to suggest an activity a week for me to do, either here or on Facebook. You know, some sort of funky, random thing that no one has the time to do but everyone wants to.

I have the time. I have cameras. I have a partner in crime. I have a blog.

It might just be cool.

Thoughts?

LOL

Is Vince gonna gave to slap a ho?

Is it just me....

Or is DNS f**ked tonight? I can't resolve anything but Google.

Oh and Brian, Ashleigh, and Erin are super awesome people do dine with, especially Erin.

Oh and Twin Fin wines are literally un-god-damn-drinkable.

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

So... How far to the bottom

No income household? Check
Life threatening and VERY expensive disease? Check

It's hard to keep a good man down, but I feel like the last couple of years has been nothing but stumbling from one piece of really bad news to the next. Getting myself up and dusting myself off is not as easy as it was the first couple times.

Oh well.

Yeah dude...

This pretty much sums up John and Shannon.

Wordless Wednesday

Operation strong John

Now that operation skinny John has been a success (even if I had some help), it is time for operation strong John. I have employed the services of one Noel Fuller of Foster Fitness to help me out. The goal? Keep it around the same weight I am now (200) but swap a few pounds of fat for a few pounds of muscle.

The tools so far? An hour of cardio a day at least 5 days a week, a punishing weight workout 3-4 days a week, and an ever evolving commitment to eating and drinking well. That last one is gonna be tough.

Cancer update. I go in for a PET scan Friday. I don't know why exactly, but it has something to do with my dosage of Gleevec I think. I don't mind because scans are fun and I've already hit my max out of pocket for the year... Which is good because check this out. Holy shit!

Oh, and this is supposedly how Gleevec works. AH!!!! It's all crystal clear now! No wonder it costs as much as this for a years worth!

Test

another test

Wordless Wednesday

The pandas are coming!

sifl & olly - panda song by deuce loosely

I've had this song in my head all day...

...and I could not be happier

Thank You McMillers!

For this

John is better than chocolate
Do it with John (I like this one)
John for your kids! (LOL)
John. The power on your side.
Think different, think John.

Wordless Wednesday

Dear Rihanna

So, I hear things aren't working out great with you and your boyfriend. It happens.

As an I alternative, my I offer my services as your beau. I'm smarter, bigger, older, and infinitely more mellow than Mr. Brown, and I have a long, long track record of NOT hitting women.

Further, I have experience with performers and their needs. My wife, who has given her approval, is a dancer. I'm used to the fact that you would be spending VAST amounts of time away from me while rehearsing, performing, giving appearances, and everything else that makes up your career. I've consigned myself to the fact that the only real contact we would have for a long time is an occasional brief, intense, physical interlude...

It's OK, baby

Boo.

Bye Lux. Jesus, anyone else read for some good news for a change?

Wordless Wednesday

Sorry for the lack of updates....

Well, it's not like anyone is hanging on my every word but I kind of feel like a blog is a commitment and I haven't been living up to mine.

Anyway, here's why. I don't have anything to say. Shocking, huh? I mean, I can at least usually come up with a dumb (or wildly inappropriate) joke, an offensive opinion, or a picture of cock flavored soup. But for now, I don't seem to be able to pull anything out of the old bean. However, I've been thinking about this and I think I have it figured out.

Ready?

My body is at least a month ahead of my mind right now. It just occurred to me, or more accurately I just remembered, that when my whole wacky ride started on December 3rd, I made a decision to surrender my head. My body was where the fight was, so that's where I would focus my energy. I distinctly remember saying to myself "I will simply go where I am told to go and do what I am told to do until this is over". I quit thinking because I couldn't think about what was going on and do what needed to be done at the same time. The few times I tried, I fell apart.

So now the body is getting to the end of its ordeal. Yeah, I'm skinny and I have a lot of weights to lift, cardio to do, food to eat, yadda, yadda.... I can do that stuff without thinking. That's just will. However, the mind is beginning its trip, and it promises to be interesting. I can afford to think now, and I find myself doing it. All the things that I shoved off to the side to "deal with later" have realized that later is now and are demanding a share of my attention equal to or greater than what the body got. This is proving to be a bit more difficult than I thought it would be. Well, that's a lie. I didn't think about it at all. Probably not the smartest way to address that sort of thing, but hey when you're basically just a dumb redneck from the sticks you do what you can. For most situations, that means throw a band-aid on it and walk it off. That's not working really well here.

So, I'm asking a bunch of questions and feeling a bit... Lost? Mortal? Guilty? Scared? I don't know. Maybe just "feeling a bit" was accurate enough. The first few leaks have shown in a dam that had to break sometime. I'm kind of stuck between frantically trying to patch it and simply moving out of the way to watch it go.

I'll figure it out, eventually. In the meantime, my body is still available and all things considered that's not too bad.

Tagged!

Apparently I was "tagged" by Shannon, so here:



I don't know who to tag myself, so I won't.

Wordless Wednesday

Dont have much today

How about a joke?

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?

One says "Hey, you, get offa my cloud!" and one says "Hey, McCloud, get offa my Ewe!"

Wordless Wednesday... A day off

Service outage

Why BMI is bullshit

I've lost 60 pounds. I now look like this:



According to BMI, I am overweight. If I dropped another 10, I would just barely be "normal".

Bullshit.

I think I look like I just got back from Bataan and I haven't weighed this little in almost 20 years. It looks gross and I feel weak. As soon as I can, the goal will be to put 10-15 pounds back on. If that makes me overweight, so be it.

Home!!

I'm going to keep this short because I'm still sore as hell and pretty drugged up, but we made it. I am typing this little message on my own couch, watching my own TV, right next to my own little black kitty. This makes me happy.

I would like to thank, sincerely and from the bottom of my heart, all you folks who sent kind words and wishes while Shannon and I stumbled through this little detour. You guys gave us strength when we needed it, and I really appreciate it.

Quick update

I'm super tired, and not feeling very witty, so here we go:

• Epidural comes out tomorrow. IV painkillers after that, until I can take pills.
• 3 hours left in today. I predicted today would be the day I managed to pass gas, a major road mark on the way back to food. I still think I will make it.
• Very, very bored.
• Still not sleeping well, nodding off every now and then.
• Catheter probably comes out tomorrow as well.
• I can now leave my bed and walk around unassisted.

Thanks Aunt Carol

I'm back.... mostly

Shannon's provided the details on everything so far so I won't go into that. I'm doing OK. I get really tired, and I haven't eaten in almost a week (nothing but ice), but there's been no real pain to speak of. Anyway, thanks for your kind words and thoughts. When I'm healed a bit more I'll write a bit more. I'll be here in the hospital for at least another 3 days, so I'll have the time.

In the meantime, here's this:

OK, one more thing...

In case I die, I want to leave something for you all to remember me by. This should do nicely.

So here we go

Last night was my last night with real food for a bit. I sent it off with chicken wings (doused in Fire on the Mountain sauce), some veggies, and a beer. Oh and some strawberry ice cream... with M&M's on it... Oh and an orange cookie... and maybe some cashews.

Anyway, today's diet and activities kinda look like this:


Good times. I can have anything I want as long as it's Jello, broth, or apple juice. Then at 1 p.m. I get to take antibiotics that the pharmacist assured me will make me sick. No problem though, she gave me suppositories for the nausea. NEAT!

I also get to take this Fleet stuff, which is supposedly going to pressure wash everything from my intestines. Colonic, schmolonic... I'll take the shortcut!

Anyway, this is gonna be it until I'm back from the hospital (Providence Portland Medical Center). If you feel like popping over to visit, please let Shannon know. You can reach her via her blog, facebook, phone, or at fishgirl65@hotmail.com. She'll be able to provide updates, best times to visit, and stuff like that. She's got an email list for updates, and she'll be blogging them as well. I will probably only be able to provide drug induced mumbling.

Finally, I'd like to sincerely thank my great friends who've been sending me their best wishes. This thing has been kinda tough. I'm OK most of the time, but some of the time (like right now) I freak out a little bit. I don't know if I've ever been this scared of anything in my life. It helps me out to know that there are people out there who are pulling for me. Like I told Shannon, you have to go through something like this yourself. No one can do it for you. However no matter how alone you feel, it's a lot easier when you can hear people cheering you on.

Thank you all very much. Love you all. First round is on me when this is all over.

Excuse me for a bit, I've got a fight to finish.

How you know when it's love...

When you fight over which is better... This or this while watching this.

I kind of hate to say it...

But this guy is right. Its gonna be interesting to see how he is proven to be right, but he will be. Sad, but it's still better than where we were.

Wordless Wednesday

Why I love xkcd

1 part old meme + 1 part CSI Miami = Pretty fucking cool. Seriously, the only thing he missed was a final panel that referenced this.

Never thought I'd say this but....

I gained weight and I'm happy about it! My appetite seemed to pick up a bit while I was on vacation, and I amassed an additional 1.5 pounds. I'm sure some of the gain can be attributed to beer/margaritas/etc. but I'll take it. It's better than looking at what felt like a precipitous drop every week.

We're back

I'll probably blog more of the details later, but I think the high point was that my health held out for almost the whole trip.

Most of it was like this:




Some was like this:



Only the last two days were like this:

Beunos Dias!

I´d post pictures, but we forgot to bring a card reader. Anyway, it´s another lovely day of 80 degree plus weather. Today, we´re going to skip the Mango Deck and it´s boozes and just snorkel all day. I am feeling great, and I have a spiffy new soccer jersey from team Chivas. There´s a story behind it, which I will tell later, but suffice to say I was strongly and repeatedly encourage NOT to wear my team CA shirt in Cabo.

See you all...

When I get back from here. I'll be thinking of you while I nap in the sand.

Wordless Wednesday

I do love me some...

LegoRobot.

Mr. Brightside

I hit 211 today. I am now 4 pounds lighter than Shannon said she would allow me to get when I first told her I was serious about losing weight. Not only am I defying Shannon, which is awesome, but I am very close to secret goal I had for myself. I had said that just once more before I die I'd to weigh under 200 pounds. It's been 25 years, and it looks like I just might make it. Of course, according to the BMI index I will still be overweight, like I am now. By the way have a mentioned that BMI is bullshit?

However, after this is all done and I heal from the operation I fully intend to eat everything. Seriously, everything.

Update... or "Hey it could be worse"

Just got back from the surgeons. There were two types of tumors it could have been:

Sarcoma - Nasty and would require radiation
GIST - Still nasty, but no radition

I got the GIST, YAY!!!!!!

So here's the scoop:

A) Fuck it, I'm going to Mexico. The main effects on me so far have been decreased appetite and fatigue. I have grown tired of not being hungry and sleeping on my couch. I am going to go be not hungry and sleep on the beach.

B) Bowel cleansing on January 5th!!! Mark your calendars!!! I have to consume nothing but clear liquids (or jello) and take a SHIT TON of weird drugs at precise intervals all day. The purpose? If they need to cut and resect some bowel said bowel must be poo free.

C) Surgery January 6th. It's gonna be a big scar and I'm gonna be down for a while. Hospital stay is expected to be a week.

So.... The good news is that I get to celebrate new years and xmas. The bad news is that January is going to suck ass.

Heading of for biopsy results....

Should be back in a couple hours or so. Wish me luck.

Now this ladies and gentlemen...

is a rebel. If I could, I'd shake his hand.

Quick update or THE TRIFECTA OF PLAGUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things tend to come in threes. I got the last one Friday. Food poisoning. 24 hours of... Well, I'm not going to go into it too much. Let's just say there hasn't been much of a line at the entrance, but the exits have been SUPER busy.

In the last 48 hours I have managed to keep down 2 bites of chicken and 2 bites of mashed potatoes.

I am going to be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO slim.

Another update

A) Pancreatitis attack is repelled! Feeling much better now. Wow, did that ever suck.
B) Actually ate breakfast for the first time in days. Mistake. Banana + oatmeal + shrunken stomach + generally f'd up guts = hours and hours of BUUUUUUURRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPP. First couple? Funny. After that, not so much.
C) Shannon sent me this. It's kind of funny. The sound is NWS so use your headphones.

Update or Holy Sh*t where did that come from?!

Well the biopsy went well and I thought I was out of the woods, at least until the test results came in.

Boy was I wrong.

I don't know if the tumor moved because of the odd and painful angle I was in and pinch my guts more, or if the pizza and beer (1.5 slices and 2 beers) I got myself as a reward was a bad idea, or some combination, or something else, but last night was NO DAMN FUN and today is not super great either.

I've had attacks of what I self diagnosed as pancreatitis before. This felt like the worst of them. Pain in the middle of my torso radiating to both sides and so bad that I needed help to leave the couch or to move from lying to sitting. Even with help pretty much every more illicted something ranging from a uncomfortable grunt to a mild scream. The thing that made it seem like maybe it wasn't pancreatitis was the fact that my whole belly was noticeably distended. Not just the top, where the tumor keeps trying to push my stomach out, but everything from the top to just about the undiscovered country. I finally made it to bed around midnight and found that rolling over to the right was a VERY bad idea. The left was OKish though so I went with that. Finally around 3 it died down enough for me to get some sleep.

It's still there today, but not as bad. I have to walk slow, as any jarring hurts. The belly is still puffy and tender but not as bad. Solid food is out of the question. I don't want to tempt fate, and I've felt a bit nauseous through this hole thing. It's almost lunch time and I'm half way through a bottle of orange juice. For dinner, I may try to make use of the smoothy kit that the hella-cool McMillers brought over (that was VERY, VERY nice. Thank you.). Yay!

If it doesn't feel significantly better tomorrow, I'll go back to Dr. Szeto and see what's up.

Wordless Wednesday

Happy fun biopsy adventure!!!!

Before



After

Another update

Biopsy is done. It was actually a piece of cake. The only hard part was lying still on my back for that long. The tumor is big enough that many sitting/lying/standing positions are uncomfortable because they exert pressure on organs or muscles. Today's lesson? Flat on my back with my arms held above my head for 30 minutes is extraordinarily painful. I never even felt any of the needly goodness.

Now for the waiting. I get to sweat it out until Monday. Yay.

Does anyone else...

... find this awesome? I'm thinking about buying a pair for around the office.

Also, this:

Quick Update

Hit 217 on Saturday. W00t! It's been years since I was that light.

I'm feeling pretty good, just really tired a lot of the time. I'm sure it's mostly due to the food thing but it's really a pain. It's like I have 2 hours a day where I'm up to the task, whatever the task may be. The rest of the time, I'm fighting the urge to crawl off somewhere and take a nap. Also, I get edgy when I'm tired. For someone who isn't known for his even temper, this is not a good thing. It's kind of a struggle to be patient and understanding, especially with people who need me to repeat things or explain them slowly. Who knows, maybe I'll get better at it?

Little bit of pain from the squished kidney, but nothing too bad. As long as I drink lots of water and don't get my heart rate up for too long it's fine. Even when it does hurt, a couple ibuprofen and I'm all set.

Biopsy is Tuesday. Basically, I lay in the scanner while a dude sticks my belly with a long needle. I don't know about you, but I can smell the awesome in the air now! Then I get to wait a week to find out what's next. I'm sure that week will just FLY by!

Staying positive

I think this process is going to be about finding small rays of light in a dark sky and focusing on them until the sun comes up (wow, that's flowery).

The tumor is large enough that it's acting in much the same way as a gastric band right now, among other things. This morning, I ate a little container of yogurt not because I was hungry but because I knew I should. A little later, I ate a bagel for the same reason. I now feel a little over full, and eating lunch is kind of out of the question. With luck, I'll have room for a small salad and/or a couple handfuls of cashews tonight, which I will try to eat not out of hunger but out of realizing that you can't keep a guy my size going long on a bagel and yogurt. Oh and water. Trying to drink lots of water, but that's not as easy as it was before either.

The ray of light? Operation skinny John has been given a boost. Though Shannon wont like it, I'd probably be a little healthier 20 or so pounds lighter than now... Now being the lightest I have been in years (my "fat" scale read 220.5 today). Losing that last 10-20 should be a cinch. Hell, the tumor itself should be a couple. As a celebration, I walked down to the shoe repair place by Pioneer Square and had them put two new holes in my belt. One for now (I needed it) and one for later. Who knows? I just might splurge and by a whole new belt!

A belated wordless Wednesday

Well actually...

It is.

Fuck.

Wish me luck.

Wordless Wednesday #3 Abandoned Concrete Plant

Yet more justification...

...for my mandatory sterilization of the stupid policy. Thanks Kelso!

Wordless Wednesday #2

Copying Mrs. McMiller yet again.

Have you seen me?

So the other day, Mrs. McMiller posts this. Me being me, the first thing I though of was this. Am I a bad person?

WARNING: If you're easily offended... or not easily offended... or still have a shred of anything decent in your soul, don't watch that video or listen to the song.

Totally copying Ms. McMiller

Wordless Wednesday

Well, this may piss off a few friends of mine but...

I'm all over this. I'm a little bit tired of feeling like a second class citizen who's being asked to pay first class taxes. Second class citizen you say? But John, you're white and straight! How much more un-second class can you get?

A lot. My wife and I have decided not to have children. The reasons for that are many and varied and not part of this discussion. However, what is part of the discussion is the fact that people like us are paying a hell of a lot for benefits we don't get, or at best only get part of.

When people take maternity leave, who pays? Those of us who can and do stay. When we need that much time off, we have one option... ask HR how much PTO you have and take it... You're not too busy covering for someone who is out on maternity leave. When kids need better schools, or money is needed to pay teachers, or safety for children needs to be improved, who pays? We all do, whether we will be using the service directly or not. There are other more minor (but still burdensome) sacrifices we are asked to make in the name of breeding, but let's boil it down... Additional population means additional cost. If I'm not contributing to the first why should I have to be encumbered with the same (or greater) share of the second as someone who is?

Don't get me wrong. While I'm not part of the "children are our future" crowd (well I guess I am but no kids = no future so...), I do realize that breeding is natural. Some folks, hell most folks, are going to do it. I also realize that the future of humanity (something I really don't care about... once I'm dead you all can knock yourselves out) lies with our offspring and thus is important to some people. I'm a good citizen. I'll pay my share for things I don't agree with if the majority of the people in my society think its a good idea. My problem? My fair share is the same or more as the people that actually have children. Listen, having kids is a choice. So is hanging out with dancing girls and riding motorcycles. No one is asking parents to help me make motorcycle payments, why are parents asking me to help pay for their kids?

Anyway, the more militant part of me agrees with Ms. Etheridge. I'll pay my taxes, but I'll just go ahead and keep the part that goes to pay for a service I will never use. Yeah, I know that will do nothing but land me in jail, but the whole thing really pisses me off. How about a break for those of us who choose not to breed? We give more to the system and take less. Doesn't it make sense? I'm not asking anyone to subsidize my lifestyle, why do I have to pay so much to subsidize someone elses?

The tax system serves two purposes. One is to raise revenue. The other is to reward "acceptable" social behavior. I'm a bit tired of not breeding being unacceptable. In my opinion, it seems to be a bit backwards right now. We're rewarding people for producing something we could use less of.

Finally, no disrespect meant to my friends who have children. I don't hate children or parents. I actually love kids. They make me happy and fill me with wonder. I'm just getting tired to constantly being asked to help pay for children I will never have. Like I said, I'll pay my share but I'd like to see a world where those who choose to have kids take on more of the cost than those who don't.

EDIT: If you're a friend of mine who is a parent, and this pisses you off.... Let's talk about it. If someone can talk me out of the mad box I'm in then great. Anyway, I don't hate you for having kids and I don't want you to hate me for not having kids.

Also, please don't bring up the "Who will be staffing your nursing home" argument. There's tons of people I don't have to pay for who could do the job, and I intend to be dead first regardless.

My liver is worth MILLIONS!!!!!!!!

Or it could be, if transformed into a super heated gas. On a related topic, I can't see or hear the word "diamonds" without thinking of this.

And I'm having a crappy day so I am going to post a funny picture that has nothing to do with anything.

This...

Early poll results are in...

John is predicting:

I'd be lying if I said...

This didn't cross my mind.

Pray hard...

Retard.

Watch this...

because it's fun.



As I've said, the left and the right are just two wings of the same bird flying above me to shit on my head. You can vote for a speech reader from one side, or from the other. What you'll get is pretty much the same.

Enjoy your "democracy".

Why an Obama presidency will suck.

Comedy is about to get a lot less fun. Seriously, how the hell can you mock either Obama or Biden? Neither of them are funny at all.

Crap. We, long with the rest of the world, will have to find something else to laugh at for the first time in 8 years.



Seriously though, isn't the prospect of a President who can string a sentence together awesome? I know he's lying to me. They all lie. But at least when people like Kennedy, Clinton, and Obama lie to you, you kinda want to think that maybe they're not.

I voted

Belly Timber

Well, I'd like to write a brilliant, in depth, descriptive review... but I'm old, tired, and drunk so you get what you get.

I picked Belly Timber because enough people who like to eat in Portland said it was worthwhile and I couldn't insist on Cava yet again. Also, a place with a name that dumb usually either sucks horribly or rules. I'm going to go ahead and say that this was one of the better decisions I've made this week.

I won't go into the entire menu to except to say that the entrees, while not super exciting, were solid and that the drinks and appetizers were inventive and inspired.

I'll go over a few highlights. You may notice a theme. I like bacon.

"Pigstrami" - Thick slices of pork belly (think super thick bacon), 2-3 inches long, cured like pastrami. Absolutely delicious. Funny, both the girls couldn't dig it so maybe it's a guy thing? Whatever, pig fat and pepper = WIN.

Bacon infused bourbon Manhattan. Small drink... for a reason. Good bourbon, infused with bacon, with just enough sweetness. It's a sipper, not something you throw down chasing a good buzz. Tastes like the most awesome breakfast ever. REALLY good when combined with the...

Stumptown coffee custard thing. Imagine a good cappuccino, but replace the coffee with a cold coffee pudding. Take a bite of this, then a sip of the bacon bourbon. Then slip into a blissful coma.

Banana pudding with a stick of candied bacon in it. DUDE CANDIED F*ING BACON!!!!!

Service. I've had world class service, and I've had awful service. Given my scale, they get a solid B+. If you narrow the scale and just compare them to Portland in general, A-. Compare them just to restaurants on Hawthorne? A++. Fairly fast, very friendly, only made one mistake. A little inattentive when compared to the best of the best, but very strong overall.

The entrees again were nothing special, but there was nothing wrong with them. I had the burger. Not as good as Cava's by a long shot. A little dry, and the veggies were sparse and pedestrian... BUT the presentation was brilliant. The fries were served with a bone marrow aioli.... served inside a hollow steak bone! It made a great looking plate.

Anyway, it's good to see something besides a pub on Hawthorne. Prices were fair, food was fun, service was solid. What's not to love?

I will now sit and digest.

Also, Robert and Brandie gave me a bottle of Shinola from Merkin Vineyards because they are awesome.

On motorcycling.... again

I had intended to fulfill a promise and start writing an ongoing story about why I love motorcycles so much.... But then I decided to check the news. I read another one of these stories. I decided to post a reply. This is it:

"As an experienced motorcyclist, this kind of story makes me really sad. It happens way too often. It sounds like a another instance of a young man buying a motorcycle he was in no way qualified to operate.

I had just ridden the road he was killed on Friday, on my KLR650. The corners are easy and flat. With proper throttle control, brake discipline, and the knowledge the comes with a few years on a bike, there's nothing challenging there even at 20MPH over the posted speed for any given corner (and that's on a motorcycle not built for high speed cornering). It's a fine, beautiful stretch of road. However, if you put a kid with no experience on a fast sport bike very bad things can happen really fast. Sounds like that's what happened here. It's really, really, sad.

Not that it's the fault of the state or the motorcycle manufacturer, but the fact that kids are able to buy something like the CBR600RR or an R6 (an example, not saying that's what he was riding) as their first bike is inexcusable. As long as these squids can get on these machines with no experience, crashes like this will continue to happen. These are powerful, high-performance bikes. They're a TON of fun, but as fast as they can put a smile on your face they can get you in over your head.

My heart goes out to the families of the rider and the folks who were in the pickup.

If you're a parent or a friend of a young guy looking at a performance bike for their first machine, I cannot urge you strongly enough to force them to start off small. I've ridden for almost 30 years now. I've seen just about everything. I can assure you that the guys who start out on small bikes, and who avail themselves of the knowledge of older riders, live longer."

Seriously, this breaks my fucking heart. Motorcycles are more fun than almost anything I can think of. Fast motorcycles are the most fun of all of them.. BUT YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO RIDE FIRST. If you don't, the odds are very good that you will die. I would like to see some sort of legislation that kept inexperienced riders off high performance bikes. The bikes I mentioned have all the tools necessary to get you into and out of trouble. They are well balanced, possess decent tires and tons of power, have excellent suspension and good (if not great) brakes, and are capable of, in the hands of an experienced rider, carving canyons in a jaw-droppingly awesome way... but if no one taught you how to use them then all you know is how to get into trouble. If that's all you can do, you'll either get lucky (as I will admit I did) or wind up causing heartbreak.

And then there was one....

Well, I always hate to say goodbye to a good friend, but I'm down to one KLR. See ya on the road, pal.

The amazing shrinking John.... The finale?

My original weight goal when I started this whole stupid "Operation Skinny John" thing was 220. I never really expected to hit it, but I figured if you aim high and miss, you'll still be somewhere near the target. But what happens when you succeed where you expected to fail?

In the beginning, back when I was pushing 250, I told myself that when I hit 220 I would reward myself with KFC. If you don't know my history with fried chicken, let me just say it's not pretty. I have been known to eat myself sick on fried chicken, go to bed, and then get up at 3 in the morning because I knew there were a couple legs left in the fridge. It's bad. Seriously, I can eat 2 complete fried chickens in an evening, no problem. Give me a long night, and I might go three or four. I've never really had any addiction problems, but fried chicken has always been the chink in my armor. I can resist donuts easy. Cake, pie, etc? No problem (though I do love me some pie). I generally don't care for sweet stuff, so sugar is not a problem. I actually enjoy a spartan diet. It makes me feel tough. But damn, I get one whiff of fried chicken and I am an deep trouble fast.

Later in the "Operation Skinny John" project, I revised the goal. I told myself that at 225 I could have fried chicken. I did this because I am weak, and because I thought it would help motivate me. It did help. It drove me, it kept me focused, but... Then it happened... I hit 225. I knew I was off the hook for fried chicken, but it felt like a hollow victory. I'd won by redefining the terms of victory. That's not winning. It's bullshit. I couldn't bring myself to claim a prize I didn't really earn, so I never cashed that check.

Tonight, I was feeling fat. I'd sat at home working and playing motorcycle mechanic all day. I missed the first of my daily doubles (if you don't know what that is, ask anyone who played high school football). I got everything done and went to the gym. I did my cardio, and then did the reduced weight workout I'm doing now due to an injury. I still felt thick, but I weighed myself anyway.

220.3


That counts in my book. With things the way they are, I'd been feeling too much stress and not enough pleasure. I cashed the check. I'm now assured that I'll be able to use fried chicken responsibly (these type of things are never as good as you build them up to be), but DAMN was it good.

Anyway, Shannon has said I'm not allowed to drop below 215, so after this it will be a slow process of swapping about 10-20 pounds of fat for 10-20 pounds of muscle. That takes time, and I have a plan, but I think the days of dramatic results are over. Man, it was a fun ride and I sent it off properly.



Oh and lest anyone think I forgot about the whole raw food thing, the rest of my diet today consisted of oats, a boiled egg, carrot sticks, and cashews.

P.S. Red wine goes with chicken.... OR ANY OTHER GOD DAMN THING I WANT IT TO!!!!!

Good times tomorrow!!!!

Well, first there's this. You can read more on the technology here.

Then there's this. YAY!

Not to mention potential total free market meltdown.

Set sails for AWESOME!!!

Me Meme

* Take a picture of yourself right now.
* Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair ... just take a picture
* Post that picture with NO editing.
* Post these instructions with your picture.

Thanks McMillers

Google like it's 2001

Wow... Here's a flashback. I found a page I made back then... and an error in it.

Your daily reminder that Obama is more in touch with "Main Street"

I loved this.

I'm not one for celebrity gossip

But DAMN Heather Locklear took one of the best celeb mugshots I've ever seen. All messed up and she STILL looks 10 years younger than she is. Well played sister!

Raw Foodism

Anyone else spend any time thinking about this? Normally, I'm the first guy in line to make fun of anything remotely new-agey, hippy, whatever... But this kind of makes sense to me.

The main benefits of cooking food, as I understand it, are to render possibly unsafe food safer and to make tough foods easier to digest, thus giving you more bang for your buck. That's awesome.... If you're living in a time and place where getting every last bit of calorie content out of every last bit of food you eat is vital. If you lose a few vitamins, so be it.

Well, we live in a time where the safe food is pretty easy to get in quantity (for some of us) and where we actually have to think about not eating too much (say what you want retro-grouches but that's a pretty awesome problem to have). Doesn't it make sense to maybe give up the extra stuff needed for growth you get when you cook food for the extra over all health benefits you get when you don't? At least some of the time? I'm not going to give up cooked grains or cooked meat (or raw meat) ever, but I think working towards a goal of having at least half of the food I eat on any given day be raw, or at least not processed, can't possibly be a bad thing.

I was wondering how long this would take...

The economy continues to melt down, we're teetering on the edge of a new cold war, energy prices are through the roof with a very cold winter being forecast and what do we hear from the white house?

C'mon, like you didn't know.

Never forget.

From the "How to do it right" department

I just found this blog entry. I still feel the same way. I won the game.

Why I love the interwebs

1) Because it's a series of tubes
2) Tonight's conversation (while watching The Prophecy II):

Shannon: That's Jennifer Beal!
John: (Thinking of whoever that chick in dirty dancing was) Shannon, you known dick about movies. That's not Jennifer Beal. Bow before the sophisticated movie knowledge of John.
Shannon: Look it up.
John: DO YOU DOUBT THE JOHN!!!!???!!! OK. I WILL!!

Moments later...

John: fuck.
Shannon: Yeah dude, you're buying breakfast.

Need some storage?

Like 2 gigs? Free? SUPER easy to use? Mac, Linux, Windows?

Get yourself some dropbox. I use it. I love it. It makes me happy.

Good idea of the day.

While I'd LOVE to see this, I'd be happy with enforcement of existing leash laws... rather than rewarding violators by reducing the amount of park area available to people who don't enjoy being molested by off leash dogs by granting it to dog owners who don't use it anyway and continue to act is if the laws don't exist. Subsidizing crime? BRILLIANT!!!

A bridge to the 19th century

You know what I hate about America (well, one thing)? That living in the day and age we do, half of us think that putting people who either don't use computers or think that unencrypted public mail services are fine for state business in charge is a GREAT idea because they love Jesus.

I cannot say this enough times.... We should gas the Midwest, get rid of everything there, and turn it over to giant robot farming machines to make us fuel and tasty snacks.

Oh, in case your wondering what kind of stuff winds up in the inbox of someone who claims to know the will of God, here.

Random observation about candy

I just ate a cherry cordial. I was reading the little tag on it that said "cherry cordial" when it occurred to me that while the candy did have a cherry taste to it, it was not cordial. This candy was not particularly friendly. Sure, it wasn't rude or mean... but it didn't give me a heart felt "Hey John, how are you?", or a smile, or a pat on the back... nothing. Actually, I got the distinct impression that this candy really didn't care about me at all. It's not that I blame the candy for it's ambivalence. Quite the contrary, I think ambivalence is the best I could hope for from something I'm going to eat. I'm lucky I didn't get a "cherry malevolent"... But then why call it a "cordial"? Why not a "cherry ambivalent", or as the kids would say a "cherry meh"?

Stupid inaccurate candy names. Now that I think of it, this problem is HUGE! If you open a Three Musketeers, I'll bet there aren't three chocolate covered little french sword guys in there. Mars? Sure, nuts and sweet goodness, but no extraterrestrial ANYTHING. Jolly Ranchers are neither ranchers nor particularly jolly. WTF?!

Read this... FOR SCIENCE!!! (A poll)

First, let me state for the record that I love showers. Well maybe not showers so much as the way you feel when you get out of the shower and you're all clean. You really can't get that without taking a shower, so I take a lot of showers. Today, as I was taking shower number two, I started thinking. "John, I wonder... how many showers do other people take in a day? Are you obsessive when it comes to showers? Does it matter?". So in the interest of satisfying my curiosity, and to add to my growing body of evidence that girls are stinky and have cooties, do me a favor. Leave a comment (either with your name or anonymously if you're ashamed of being filthy) with how many times a day you shower.

I will start.

During the week, I usually take 3 showers a day. Because I value cleanliness.

LHC Webcam

For those of you who are interested in this cool piece of science, here's a webcam from the LHC

Does it strike anyone else as awesome...

that we live in an age where I can sit on my fat ass, drinking a glass of wine, and see something like this?

Sometimes, for fun, I think about what I would say if I had to describe the age I live in to someone living 200 years ago. "Yeah dude, I can sit on my ass in my house and watch storms on Mars". "Yeah, well... I have a horse".

I'm getting old.

I remember when I first heard Metallica. I was a lad of 15, and they had not really broken in the US. A guy from Canada I was skiing with played Ride the Lightning for me and I was blown away. I had never heard anything played with that kind of speed and aggression before and I was hooked. I was a huge Metallica fan up till the black album, when I kind of lost interest. After that, I would hear some of their newer stuff from time to time. It just got weaker and more diluted. I moved on to other music, and apparently they moved on too.... to the mall.

Obama a pedophile?

Well, seems that's what the McCain/Mrs. Jesus camp would have you believe. Classy.

Career Planning

I believe I have found my next job. Based on my many qualifications, I will be throwing my hat in the ring to become the next king of Swaziland.

I like turtles!

Yeah, I'm a little late to the party but this kid is my new hero.

Anyway, that's all I have right now.

Sorry.

My wife...

Fuck yeah, dude. We ARE rock and roll.

Why I might begin...

...to agree with Fred Phelps and his bunch, at least when it comes to America.

This is news. Folks, we truly live in a golden age. Behold the birth of the cult of the teenage baby mama.

Abstinence only sex education! It works for Jesus, it works for America.