This is why. When I get into sticky situations, much like the one I'm in now, things that normally come naturally seem to take a ton of energy. Things like moving, reading, turning on my computer... Basically, everything but sleeping, watching old movies, and working out seems really hard. Welcome to the wonderful world of clinical depression. It's one of those thing I used to complain about other people claiming to have. "Get up off your ass and get to it"! Then, as seems to happen to me more often than not, I was afflicted with the problem I cursed others for having. Needless to say, I'm very empathetic to the problems of others these days. Anyway, in case anyone was wondering why I've been absent, that's it. Little power to do anything and a conscious attempt to stay away from media that's not telling me anything helpful.
So, what have I been up to? We'll, I've found that the more time I spend in the gym, the less I have to think... So I've gained back a lot of the muscle I lost earlier this year and I've become a bit of a cardio fiend. I like it. I feel stronger than I have in years and actually look better than I have in a long while. Yay! Besides that, it's just trying not to be a dick to Shannon and watching old movies... Oh, and playing Company of Heros.
I've also been looking for work, though not very hard. I found one place that seems perfect. I've interviewed with them twice. If for some reason fate decides to smile on me after kicking me in the nuts a few times, I may just wind up working for the type of organization I should have been working for all long, and that I thought I was working for at one point. If not, I'm open to anything and beginning to think that I might be done with Oregon for a while. We'll see.
About the most I've felt comfortable doing web wise is facebook... And I'm spotty at that too. It's just too easy to waste 3/4 of a day there. It has been fun to reconnect with people I thought I'd lost forever though.
Basically, I'm diving into things that make me happy, trying to find the best strategies for fighting depression (a tougher fight than I would have ever though. Makes cancer look like a walk in the park), and trying learn the lesson that life is obviously trying to hit me with. Seriously, you don't run into the things I've run into in the past 6 months or so for no reason... At least I want to to believe you don't. Yeah, sure part of it is "appreciate being alive" but I think there's another, more... important? louder? profound? IDK. There's some message there. I just haven't heard it yet and I'm kind of in a holding pattern until I do. I feel like I'm on the edge of something. It might be wonderful, it might be terrible, but it IS. I just have to find out how to meet it.
Anyway, I had an idea tonight that I thought might be fun. I was thinking about posting a request for people to suggest an activity a week for me to do, either here or on Facebook. You know, some sort of funky, random thing that no one has the time to do but everyone wants to.
I have the time. I have cameras. I have a partner in crime. I have a blog.
It might just be cool.
Thoughts?
1 comment:
What!? I'm the first?
I've been slacking on my blog reading -- I've had Erin solo for the past week. Now that Ms. A is back, I'll put on my thinking cap. This is like the perfect question for me: for someone with little free time, what would I want to do?
OK, if I had more time, I'd do what it seems like you're already great at: alone or with your sweetie, head out the door on a sunny morning, with everything you're going to need for the day in your backpack: food, water, a jacket, sunscreen. Then, just don't come back until the end of the day. An urban walkabout.
Ride the bus, explore some part of town you've never seen, talk with the weird people you meet.
However, I don't know how many times I've run into you or Shannon on Hawthorne doing just that. So that's not much of a suggestion. Your rides on your motorcycle is the same sort of thing. Getting out and exploring.
Hm, so that's what *I'd* want to do. I'll think a bit to see if I can come up with a less lame idea.
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