Sunday, February 08, 2009

Dear Rihanna

So, I hear things aren't working out great with you and your boyfriend. It happens.

As an I alternative, my I offer my services as your beau. I'm smarter, bigger, older, and infinitely more mellow than Mr. Brown, and I have a long, long track record of NOT hitting women.

Further, I have experience with performers and their needs. My wife, who has given her approval, is a dancer. I'm used to the fact that you would be spending VAST amounts of time away from me while rehearsing, performing, giving appearances, and everything else that makes up your career. I've consigned myself to the fact that the only real contact we would have for a long time is an occasional brief, intense, physical interlude...

It's OK, baby

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