My how time flies

Last year, I was here.

wordless Wednesday

A shout out to the dark side.

I usually don't disagree with Mr. Munroe, but I don't quite agree with this.  I think it was genius.  If you can create a strawman argument and sell it to millions of people, you deserve money and the people that bought it deserve to be seperated from thiers.

How fraking awesome...

is this?! 

Finally

A real American hero.

Oh! Well I guess that makes it OK.

Doucebag.  Nice tie too, asshole.

Biker? Cyclist?

You might find this interesting.

Too soon?

Why didn't he just shoot her between the eyes?  I mean, it's not like he could have missed.

You thought I'd forgotten, didn't you?

Oh no my friends. You cannot turn your back on these bastards for a second!

Mr. Bright Side

Well, I guess things could be worse. This guy was a close friend and room mate of mine in college. My sadness for him is kind of tempered by my absolute hatred of drunk driving.

Anyway, I was feeling a little down because of where my life is at 40. At least I'm not going to prison!

My new motivation

This. I will find and eat this when I get back down to 215.



FUCK YES

You should

try this.

This made me laugh

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

This about sums it up

I hate feeling powerless, but this seems to be my only option.

On turning 40

It appears I have, through no effort of my own, stumbled through yet another milepost. My thirties are now in the rear view mirror.

I've tried to attach some meaning to the event, in hopes of securing its place in my memory, and thus far have failed. The failure is what I find interesting though. Much like my run in with cancer, it simply feels like another thing I've lived through and put behind me. Where's my life changing epiphany? Where is my renewed sense of purpose? Where is my clarified vision of my future? I read countless stories of people in similar positions gaining benefit of one sort or another when encountering these types of challenges... But it doesn't seem to work that way for me.

Maybe it's my tendency to not focus on the future. I guess your life can't change much when you don't spend a lot of time thinking about it. I've had enough gut punches delivered by fate that I tend to look behind for another one, rather than forward to see what's next. I've got to stop that (yeah, right). You go where you're looking.

Maybe there's something better on the way that will make all this seem inconsequential, and I'm subconsciously getting ready for it?

Maybe things that this don't really matter as much as people think they do, and I'm silly for attempting to find meaning?

I don't know. The one thing I do know is that for the first time in my life, I actually feel old. Worn down. Burdened. Tired. Feeble.

I feel like I didn't wind up where I wanted to be, and I don't think there's enough time left to get there... So I have to find a new "there"... But I don't know how.

Anyway, my advice on aging is don't.

Wordless Wednesday

Da Da Da Duh Dummmmm. Seriously, Wyoming is kinda lame, but this little route is worth it. Thanks to the Harley Owners Group and thier yearly ride gide. Also, Big Timber Montana is great.

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Fight the power

If anyone is on Twitter (I HATE it too, but I'm a user), set your location to Tehran and your time zone to GMT +3.30. Security forces are hunting for bloggers using location/timezone searches. The more users at this location, the more of a logjam it creates for forces trying to shut Iranians' access to the internet down. Cut & paste and please pass it on.

Wordless Wednesday... Mostly

How I feel about Twitter

I've given it a try. It's like this.

Twitter is dumb.

Wordless Wednesday

It doesn't count if the words are in the image

What is John doing

1) Looking for work
2) Eating < 2000 calories a day
3) Cycling every chance I get
4) Hitting the gym 5-6 days a week
5) Watching T.V.
6) Trying to stay positive

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

clicky clicky

Stanley Kubrick

As I write this, I'm watching "Eyes Wide Shut". I'm a fan of mister Kubrick's work, especially the first 30 or so minutes of "2001". However after watching this movie and comparing it to his other works, it does appear to me that perhaps the best adjective to describe a lot of the scenes in Kubrick films is "ponderous". Seriously, the man has a gift for turning a 3 minutes scene into 10 minutes.

Also, there are a lot of great boobs in "Eyes Wide Shut". Oh and Tom Cruise has a big nose.

So the season is upon us again...

And I will be out there. I plan to put on several thousand miles this year because I have nothing better to do and I do love it so . Hopefully, there wont be many of these folks. Because it makes me sad when I see these giving the rest of us a bad name.

Wordless Wednesday

Last year around this time

God damn I had fun that day.

Mark my words...

We've seen a bunch of this kind of thing lately. Trust me, there's more coming. It's kinda of the nexus of "Too much pressure" meets "I can't find a way out of this" meets "Well, I've got a gun".

I'm a little enthralled by the prospect. It's interesting to see what happens when you deprive people of their dignity and their ability to make a living, but give them easy access to the tools of violence. Sure, it's insane... But the situation is getting insane for a lot of people and some of them can't see a better escape plan.

I'm kind of excited by the fact that things are melting down to the degree they are, and kind of afraid at the same time.

Huh.

Crap,

That's it. Crap. I've gone through over two years of bad luck now and I'm beginning to think there isn't an end to it. F**k.

Oh, one last thing.

I love Turbonegro to death, punk. Seriously, I have this tattooed on my arm. That being said, Valient Thorr kind of kicked Turbonegro's ass last Sunday.

Just sayin'.

I drank with the Valient Thorr guys, but I didn't get a photo. I do have a photo with Turbonegro's new drummer:



And a drum head autographed by the band.

I will have to say that next time Valient Thorr plays, I am ALL over it.

Wordless Wednesday

TMI or Why I've been absent

This is why. When I get into sticky situations, much like the one I'm in now, things that normally come naturally seem to take a ton of energy. Things like moving, reading, turning on my computer... Basically, everything but sleeping, watching old movies, and working out seems really hard. Welcome to the wonderful world of clinical depression. It's one of those thing I used to complain about other people claiming to have. "Get up off your ass and get to it"! Then, as seems to happen to me more often than not, I was afflicted with the problem I cursed others for having. Needless to say, I'm very empathetic to the problems of others these days. Anyway, in case anyone was wondering why I've been absent, that's it. Little power to do anything and a conscious attempt to stay away from media that's not telling me anything helpful.

So, what have I been up to? We'll, I've found that the more time I spend in the gym, the less I have to think... So I've gained back a lot of the muscle I lost earlier this year and I've become a bit of a cardio fiend. I like it. I feel stronger than I have in years and actually look better than I have in a long while. Yay! Besides that, it's just trying not to be a dick to Shannon and watching old movies... Oh, and playing Company of Heros.

I've also been looking for work, though not very hard. I found one place that seems perfect. I've interviewed with them twice. If for some reason fate decides to smile on me after kicking me in the nuts a few times, I may just wind up working for the type of organization I should have been working for all long, and that I thought I was working for at one point. If not, I'm open to anything and beginning to think that I might be done with Oregon for a while. We'll see.

About the most I've felt comfortable doing web wise is facebook... And I'm spotty at that too. It's just too easy to waste 3/4 of a day there. It has been fun to reconnect with people I thought I'd lost forever though.

Basically, I'm diving into things that make me happy, trying to find the best strategies for fighting depression (a tougher fight than I would have ever though. Makes cancer look like a walk in the park), and trying learn the lesson that life is obviously trying to hit me with. Seriously, you don't run into the things I've run into in the past 6 months or so for no reason... At least I want to to believe you don't. Yeah, sure part of it is "appreciate being alive" but I think there's another, more... important? louder? profound? IDK. There's some message there. I just haven't heard it yet and I'm kind of in a holding pattern until I do. I feel like I'm on the edge of something. It might be wonderful, it might be terrible, but it IS. I just have to find out how to meet it.

Anyway, I had an idea tonight that I thought might be fun. I was thinking about posting a request for people to suggest an activity a week for me to do, either here or on Facebook. You know, some sort of funky, random thing that no one has the time to do but everyone wants to.

I have the time. I have cameras. I have a partner in crime. I have a blog.

It might just be cool.

Thoughts?

LOL

Is Vince gonna gave to slap a ho?

Is it just me....

Or is DNS f**ked tonight? I can't resolve anything but Google.

Oh and Brian, Ashleigh, and Erin are super awesome people do dine with, especially Erin.

Oh and Twin Fin wines are literally un-god-damn-drinkable.

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

So... How far to the bottom

No income household? Check
Life threatening and VERY expensive disease? Check

It's hard to keep a good man down, but I feel like the last couple of years has been nothing but stumbling from one piece of really bad news to the next. Getting myself up and dusting myself off is not as easy as it was the first couple times.

Oh well.

Yeah dude...

This pretty much sums up John and Shannon.

Wordless Wednesday

Operation strong John

Now that operation skinny John has been a success (even if I had some help), it is time for operation strong John. I have employed the services of one Noel Fuller of Foster Fitness to help me out. The goal? Keep it around the same weight I am now (200) but swap a few pounds of fat for a few pounds of muscle.

The tools so far? An hour of cardio a day at least 5 days a week, a punishing weight workout 3-4 days a week, and an ever evolving commitment to eating and drinking well. That last one is gonna be tough.

Cancer update. I go in for a PET scan Friday. I don't know why exactly, but it has something to do with my dosage of Gleevec I think. I don't mind because scans are fun and I've already hit my max out of pocket for the year... Which is good because check this out. Holy shit!

Oh, and this is supposedly how Gleevec works. AH!!!! It's all crystal clear now! No wonder it costs as much as this for a years worth!

Test

another test

Wordless Wednesday

The pandas are coming!

sifl & olly - panda song by deuce loosely

I've had this song in my head all day...

...and I could not be happier

Thank You McMillers!

For this

John is better than chocolate
Do it with John (I like this one)
John for your kids! (LOL)
John. The power on your side.
Think different, think John.

Wordless Wednesday

Dear Rihanna

So, I hear things aren't working out great with you and your boyfriend. It happens.

As an I alternative, my I offer my services as your beau. I'm smarter, bigger, older, and infinitely more mellow than Mr. Brown, and I have a long, long track record of NOT hitting women.

Further, I have experience with performers and their needs. My wife, who has given her approval, is a dancer. I'm used to the fact that you would be spending VAST amounts of time away from me while rehearsing, performing, giving appearances, and everything else that makes up your career. I've consigned myself to the fact that the only real contact we would have for a long time is an occasional brief, intense, physical interlude...

It's OK, baby

Boo.

Bye Lux. Jesus, anyone else read for some good news for a change?

Wordless Wednesday

Sorry for the lack of updates....

Well, it's not like anyone is hanging on my every word but I kind of feel like a blog is a commitment and I haven't been living up to mine.

Anyway, here's why. I don't have anything to say. Shocking, huh? I mean, I can at least usually come up with a dumb (or wildly inappropriate) joke, an offensive opinion, or a picture of cock flavored soup. But for now, I don't seem to be able to pull anything out of the old bean. However, I've been thinking about this and I think I have it figured out.

Ready?

My body is at least a month ahead of my mind right now. It just occurred to me, or more accurately I just remembered, that when my whole wacky ride started on December 3rd, I made a decision to surrender my head. My body was where the fight was, so that's where I would focus my energy. I distinctly remember saying to myself "I will simply go where I am told to go and do what I am told to do until this is over". I quit thinking because I couldn't think about what was going on and do what needed to be done at the same time. The few times I tried, I fell apart.

So now the body is getting to the end of its ordeal. Yeah, I'm skinny and I have a lot of weights to lift, cardio to do, food to eat, yadda, yadda.... I can do that stuff without thinking. That's just will. However, the mind is beginning its trip, and it promises to be interesting. I can afford to think now, and I find myself doing it. All the things that I shoved off to the side to "deal with later" have realized that later is now and are demanding a share of my attention equal to or greater than what the body got. This is proving to be a bit more difficult than I thought it would be. Well, that's a lie. I didn't think about it at all. Probably not the smartest way to address that sort of thing, but hey when you're basically just a dumb redneck from the sticks you do what you can. For most situations, that means throw a band-aid on it and walk it off. That's not working really well here.

So, I'm asking a bunch of questions and feeling a bit... Lost? Mortal? Guilty? Scared? I don't know. Maybe just "feeling a bit" was accurate enough. The first few leaks have shown in a dam that had to break sometime. I'm kind of stuck between frantically trying to patch it and simply moving out of the way to watch it go.

I'll figure it out, eventually. In the meantime, my body is still available and all things considered that's not too bad.

Tagged!

Apparently I was "tagged" by Shannon, so here:



I don't know who to tag myself, so I won't.

Wordless Wednesday

Dont have much today

How about a joke?

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?

One says "Hey, you, get offa my cloud!" and one says "Hey, McCloud, get offa my Ewe!"

Wordless Wednesday... A day off

Service outage

Why BMI is bullshit

I've lost 60 pounds. I now look like this:



According to BMI, I am overweight. If I dropped another 10, I would just barely be "normal".

Bullshit.

I think I look like I just got back from Bataan and I haven't weighed this little in almost 20 years. It looks gross and I feel weak. As soon as I can, the goal will be to put 10-15 pounds back on. If that makes me overweight, so be it.

Home!!

I'm going to keep this short because I'm still sore as hell and pretty drugged up, but we made it. I am typing this little message on my own couch, watching my own TV, right next to my own little black kitty. This makes me happy.

I would like to thank, sincerely and from the bottom of my heart, all you folks who sent kind words and wishes while Shannon and I stumbled through this little detour. You guys gave us strength when we needed it, and I really appreciate it.

Quick update

I'm super tired, and not feeling very witty, so here we go:

• Epidural comes out tomorrow. IV painkillers after that, until I can take pills.
• 3 hours left in today. I predicted today would be the day I managed to pass gas, a major road mark on the way back to food. I still think I will make it.
• Very, very bored.
• Still not sleeping well, nodding off every now and then.
• Catheter probably comes out tomorrow as well.
• I can now leave my bed and walk around unassisted.

Thanks Aunt Carol

I'm back.... mostly

Shannon's provided the details on everything so far so I won't go into that. I'm doing OK. I get really tired, and I haven't eaten in almost a week (nothing but ice), but there's been no real pain to speak of. Anyway, thanks for your kind words and thoughts. When I'm healed a bit more I'll write a bit more. I'll be here in the hospital for at least another 3 days, so I'll have the time.

In the meantime, here's this:

OK, one more thing...

In case I die, I want to leave something for you all to remember me by. This should do nicely.

So here we go

Last night was my last night with real food for a bit. I sent it off with chicken wings (doused in Fire on the Mountain sauce), some veggies, and a beer. Oh and some strawberry ice cream... with M&M's on it... Oh and an orange cookie... and maybe some cashews.

Anyway, today's diet and activities kinda look like this:


Good times. I can have anything I want as long as it's Jello, broth, or apple juice. Then at 1 p.m. I get to take antibiotics that the pharmacist assured me will make me sick. No problem though, she gave me suppositories for the nausea. NEAT!

I also get to take this Fleet stuff, which is supposedly going to pressure wash everything from my intestines. Colonic, schmolonic... I'll take the shortcut!

Anyway, this is gonna be it until I'm back from the hospital (Providence Portland Medical Center). If you feel like popping over to visit, please let Shannon know. You can reach her via her blog, facebook, phone, or at fishgirl65@hotmail.com. She'll be able to provide updates, best times to visit, and stuff like that. She's got an email list for updates, and she'll be blogging them as well. I will probably only be able to provide drug induced mumbling.

Finally, I'd like to sincerely thank my great friends who've been sending me their best wishes. This thing has been kinda tough. I'm OK most of the time, but some of the time (like right now) I freak out a little bit. I don't know if I've ever been this scared of anything in my life. It helps me out to know that there are people out there who are pulling for me. Like I told Shannon, you have to go through something like this yourself. No one can do it for you. However no matter how alone you feel, it's a lot easier when you can hear people cheering you on.

Thank you all very much. Love you all. First round is on me when this is all over.

Excuse me for a bit, I've got a fight to finish.

How you know when it's love...

When you fight over which is better... This or this while watching this.

I kind of hate to say it...

But this guy is right. Its gonna be interesting to see how he is proven to be right, but he will be. Sad, but it's still better than where we were.