Mexico Pics

Yeah, it sucks to be us :)

Will someone please stuff a ham in Rosie's mouth.

For the love of God, STFU!!!!

The Elegant Universe

DUDE! Yeah, I will now be worthless at work for the next couple days. Thanks internet!

No shit, Sherlock

Thanks, midwest!

Rofl

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Let's clean up our own back yard.

WTF??!!!! This place is right off the coast of Florida, and we could BUY it for like 1500 bucks. Instead of making up a bullshit war that all of us will be paying for in the decades to come, how about everybody in America who can afford it chips in 2 bucks and we end poverty in Haiti?. Hell, I'll go 20.

Great, now I'm probably going to have CIA d00dz on my porch in the morning.

I'm back

Completely recovered from my hard drive crash. I had a back up, but it was a couple weeks old and I had some new photos on it, and it didn't included my music collection (most of which is mirrored at work), so I thought I would dig into the f'ed up drive and see what I could see. THANK YOU KNOPPIX! Knoppix has now saved my ass for the second time. Throw the Knoppix CD, boot, transfer your shit to a FAT32 (ntfs goes boom) drive (or in my case, 4 32GB FAT32 drives), then boogie on back to Windows and see what you have left. VERY easy, very nice.

So... I came up with a new backup strategy. This will work until I build my own backup server or finally realize that it make more sense just to buy one of those Buffalo goddamnits.

1) 80GB USB2 external drive - Holds music backup
2) 300GB USB2 external drive - Holds backup, and big files I'm considering moving to DVD (movies and shit)
3) 120GB USB2 external drive - Holds copy of the current backup and shit I can't figure out where else to put

Incremental backups occur weekly as a scheduled task (WHERE IS MY CRON?!?!?!!).

I'm fucking tired of spending a weekend fixing shit every time I lose a Seagate drive (yes, every major crash I have had has been a Seagate drive), so I am spreading files everywhere now.

Bwhahahahahaha!!!!1

Dumbass. Sigfried and Roy should adopt.

Feeling like you're special today?

Here you go. You can thank me later.

Merry whatever

Exactly

She MUST have been a Judy

I am certain this woman is related to me. The Judy's having been fighting a losing battle against our bowels for generations.

Updates will be slow until I recover from yet ANOTHER crashed Seagate drive... Seagate... Just don't.

Shannon liked this picture

BATCOD SOUP!!!!!!

I found this in my archives tonight...

And it's funny...

Fukken Awesome

ROCK

God Dammit

Knock it off already. We all know this is bullshit, how about we spend less time defending a lie and more time trying to figure out how we can make sure no more gramma's have to have dead grandkids?

Mommy....

Where's my Dora Aquapet?

Gee honey, I have no idea. Why don't you go play with your friends for a bit?


*sorry, link is broken now. Basically, it was a HELLA phallic chlidrens toy.

I miss my kitty

fux0r

I love iTunes

OK, I hate to admit it for a couple reasons. First, I am a big fan of try before you buy when it comes to music. My apologies to my musician friends, but here's how I usually roll...

1) I find your music for free and spend some time with it.
2) If I find myself listening to it fairly often, or at least not erasing it to gain disk space, I buy your shit.

I would rather not have to buy it first, and be stuck with it if it sucks... which it does sometimes. So I find a torrent and the rest is history.

Next, my main device is not an iPod. I had one, I wasn't impressed with the quality, so I bought a Zen. Yes, I still have a Shuffle for working out, but that's not the point. If I buy music, I should be able to put it on any player I want.

But you know what? There are times when you want to hear a song, and you want it now. Tonight I was watching a show on rouge waves, and they mentioned the Edmund Fitzgerald. I don't know why, but ever since I was a little kid the Gordon Lightfoot tribute to that ship has been a special song to me. Yes, the ghey is strong with this one.... Anyway, I have the TV open in one window on my display, and while I'm watching I open up iTunes and buy "The Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald". When the commercial kicked in on the History Channel, I clicked on the song I had just purchased. For a moment, I was that little boy who heard that song on the radio about the dying sailors (fellas it's been good to know ya') and spent years wondering WTF went on there. Was it as good as I remembered? Oh hell no. Was that experience worth 99 cents to me? You bet your ass it was.

BTW, ripping your iTunes songs to mp3 is easy as long as you don't upgrade to iTunes 7.0.2. Ask me how if you don't know.

Party at our house this Saturday

Around 8. Lemme know if you need directions.

This couldn't have been better if it was posed

Ladies and gentlemen, Sen. Rick Santorum and his ultra creepy brood at his concession speech

John's MySpace

Yes, I am just that lame

Meanwhile, back at the war the Republicans handed us...

Hey thanks guys!

Seriously, not that the Democrats are much better, but how bad does it have to get before you "support the troops" dipshits realize how fucked up this is? IMHO, the only unforgivable mistake in the world in stupidity by choice, and you're all guilty.

Yeah dude

That's nice

Congresswoman Katherine Harris of Florida

I'd hit it.

Stuff that occurred to me tonight

1) I was looking at my finger nails. First they were fins, then claws, now nails (evolution... Sorry fundies). What's next? Personally, I'm hoping for lasers.

2) What's funny about funny cars?

That is all.

Let's not forget what a real hero looks like

We can talk about the best athletes, who won, or about Lance Armstrong, who is amazing.... But let's not forget about the folks who were dealt a shitty hand and decided not to quit. That smells like a champion to me.

Bwhahahahahahaha!

Thank you "christian" america for yet another great story that proves the most vocal among you are even further detached from the real message of christianity than those you endlessly rail against! You're the winnars!!!! The more you succeed, the more your sham is exposed! Kinda like the douchebag you voted into office.

The more I think about it, the more I think a great step in the "war on terror" would be to nuke our own midwest. How about we join the civilized nations in the 21st century and deport these asshats to somewhere in the middle east where they can commune with like minded folks?

In other gay news, Doogie came out.... 3 words. "Yeah" "And" "So"? However, I'm thinking this might serve the greater good though. The same folks that followed the dipshit in the beginning of this post may very well employ the following thought process:

TV is reality

The "doctor" on the TV, as it turns out, has got the gay

Therefore, all doctors have got the gay

If I go to a doctor, he (because there are no female doctors... unless they are lesbians... in which case they are demons) will try to give me the gay as part of the homosexual agenda

Therefore, I must avoid medical treatment for my retardation and morbid obesity if I want to be with Dale Earnhardt in heaven

Thank you Jesus

Ack......

So... Yes, middle america, all doctors have got the gay and will give it to you!!! If you're sick, stay home and pray!!!!!

Halloween 2006

Halloween 2006. Apologies for quality, dupes.

Way to go NJ

NJ court grants gay couples equal marriage rights - Yahoo! News

AOL Search Logs

Wanna see what AOHELLer's are up to?

Yet more training.. and a BONUS!!!!

OK, I've been out sick for a week. Seriously, this is fucked up. It hit me like a train Sunday before last, and I'm still not 100%. But anyway, on Monday I felt well enough to start working out again, and writing down what I eat. The week in between? Yeah dude, I ate f'ing EVERYTHING. When I get sick, I usually get hungry. No chili was safe, there was nowhere a fried chicken could hide its cute little fried head. My mouth was like a black hole for food, a black food hole if you will. Anyway, here's what we've got since monday...

10/23/2006 Water 64oz

7:40
1 granola bar
Handful of peanuts
Apple juice
Tea

10:00
1 small cookie
5 peanut M&M’s
Tea

11:30
Chicken Bento (Chicken, sauce, rice, veggies)
Ate too much

1:20
½ turkey sandwich

3:15
1200 stairs
Ball raises, planks, squats
45 minute bike
Feel: Better than I thought I would

6:15
1 martini

6:30
1 martini
1/3 promax bar

7:00
1 beer
1/3 promax bar

7:30
1 martini
½ entrée – Salmon, green beans, couscous. Shannon ate the other half

9:00
Ice berg lettuce with salsa, sour cream, and a little mozzarella
Big handful air roasted peanuts
1 glass wine

10:00ish

1 glass Jim Beam. Whiskey is good for me god dammit, just ask Shannon!

10/24/2006 96oz water

7:30
1 granola bar
1 egg
Tea
OJ

10:00
1/3 protein bar
32 oz water

10:30
Small bag o’ popcorn

11:40
Indian food for lunch
Some shit I can’t pronounce, but it was the meat special at the real taste of India. I didn't eat the rice. Basically
Naan
Chickeny thing
Green stuff with chick peas
Red chickeny stuff

1:00
1 slice pepperoni pizza. No cheese and I didn’t eat the crusty part on the back (pizza bones). And it was small, like 4 bites.

3:45
½ ham sandwich
30 squats
15 ball raises
2 minutes worth of planks
1000 stairs (I FUCKING HATE the stairmaster, but if I wanted to catch "without a trace" I didn't have time for real stairs)
30 minutes bike
Feel: MUCH better

5:30
½ ham sandwich

7:00
1 meat stick
Hand full of peanuts
2 boiled eggs
1 vodka, splash of Mountain Dew

7:30
1 vodka, splash of Mountain Dew

8:00
1 vodka, splash of Mountain Dew
Small handful of peanuts

So there you go.

Your bonus? You must see this.

We're having a party

So if you're not on the evite, and you should be (you know who you are) then lemme know.

JJ

Tonight

I'm still sick.... and Shannon said she was a retarded polar bear.

Thank you.

DFiVE9

Hey Nick, your style and flow remind me of Brad from Sublime. That's not a bad thing.

Mike...

Where's the hook? I'm drowning in rhythm.

Don't ask

I'm sick I can post whatever I want.

I'm sick

And it sucks.... So I did what I do ever time I'm in a situation that sucks and I need I lift. I put what I'm feeling into google image search and see what happens. Today, it was I'm sick. Thank you internet! Oh and this. F you internet.

My latest TV appearance

Well, the whole food network thing was such a hit that I decided to extend my run as a low rent cable TV star. Catch me on "The Look for Less" episode 710.

Not very metal. At all.

Tips for your co-workers

I was just going through my main site and found this. Still useful, though I wrote it like 12 years ago:

Tips for Hygienically and Civility Challenged

* Trash goes IN the trash can. Please note the use of the word IN, as opposed to ON. Putting the trash in the trash can does require lifting the lid. If you have difficulty with the definitions of in and on, please see below:

IN: Not out; within; inside.

ON: At, or in contact with, the surface or upper part of a thing, and supported by it; placed or lying in contact with the surface.

Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) [web1913]

* On that same note, there are substantial differences between the counter tops and garbage cans. One of these is that garbage goes IN the trash can, and not ON the counter top. This particular difference also applies to floors and tabletops. If you are unclear on this or the many other differences between garbage cans and counter tops, feel free to ask your children, who should be more than intellectually equipped to explain the intricacies to you.

* There are two large knives in the kitchen used to cut bagels. These are not your personal knives, in the same way that the kitchen is not your kitchen at home. That being the case, please do not use these knives to spread jam or other condiments, and then leave them for others to clean. That may work at home, but your assumption that your coworkers enjoy doing your dishes is most assuredly incorrect.

* Coffee making is a very simple skill. This skill should be employed when you empty the coffeepot, or when you replace it on the burner at an extremely low level. If you cannot decipher the technical intricacies of operating the coffee machine, please ask one of the people who have been making the coffee you drink, and they will be happy to
explain it to you.

* Men, the newspaper is provided by the company for community reading. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, the community in this case consists of a great number of people who are unlikely to be found in a stall in the men’s room. Many of you display amazing gallantry by bringing the paper back when you are finished. Shockingly, many people find the idea of flipping through a newspaper embedded with the detritus of the men’s room floor unappealing. Therefore, it is requested that the newspaper remain in the lunchroom. If you find your schedule so packed that you must get your news and use the lavatory at the same time, your own personal copy of the Oregonian can be had for the paltry sum of $.35.

Yes, I know it's 50 cents now.

Say what you will about the "war"

But that's a fucking hero. RIP soldier.

The Nietzsche Family Circus

This is awesome, and about the best use I can think of for the shit that is family circus. Oh yeah, speaking of which...

The training... part 2

I spent tonight checking ID's at the Hatebreed show, so I'm tired and I don't want to spend a lot of time on this. Anyway, here's how it's going:

10/9/06 Bunch of water

7:30
1 granola bar
4 oz. OJ
1 cup Earl Grey Tea

10:45
¾ bag of trail mix (raisins, nuts, dried fruit, M&M’s)
4 peanuts M&M’s
1 cup Earl Grey Tea

11:30
1 taco salad with check but no tortilla
Feel: Tired, but not SUPER tired

12:30
2 M&M’s
2 Nutter Butters (Best cookie EVER!)

2:30

The rest of the bag of trail mix
2 handfuls of popcorn

4:00
1000 stairs
30 minutes on the bike
8 peanut M&M’s

6:15
1 vodka martini
Feel kinda tired but I have all day. It's been a long day.

6:30
1 vodka martini

8:30
1 vodka martini
1 beer

9:00
A bunch of grapes
Some Chinese BBQ pork
½ glass of wine

10/10/06 Water 96 oz

8:00
2 granola bars
6 oz OJ
1 cup Earl Grey Tea

9:30

1 small oatmeal cookie
1 cup Earl Grey Tea

11:30
½ voodoo doughnut (c’mon I HAD to. Have you tasted those things?!)
1 bento. Rice, veggies, chicken

1:30
A bunch of grapes
A little pineapple
Some honeydew melon

3:15
2000 stairs!

4:00
30 minutes bike
30 squats
15 ball passes
16 planks (6-10 seconds, slow count)

5:30
1 ½ cups fried rice with veggies
A bunch of honeydew melon
2 peanut M&M’s

6:30
1/2 entree tandoori beef, small amount batsami rice, greens
1/2 salad with nuts and light dressing
2 vodka martinis

7:20
1 beer

7:40
1 vodka martini

8:30
1 vodka martini

9:05
1 vodka martini

10/11/2006 64 0z water

8:00
2 granola bars
6 oz OJ
1 cup Earl Grey Tea


11:00
Bowl of cheddar broccoli soup
1 glass iced tea (NOT Earl Grey)
1 roast beef and pepper jack sandwich
5 peanut M&Ms

3:00
2300 stairs!

3:45
30 squats
15 ball passes
16 planks (10 seconds, slow count)

4:15
1 Promax Bar


5:00
1 glass vodka

12:00
4 bites of tater salad
½ glass wine
Some Chinese bbq pork

So I'm old and fat

There for, I hired a trainer. That's right, I am paying someone good money to make me miserable. Anyway, one of the things she is having me do is write down what I eat. Because I know that the only people who read this blog are people who feel comfortable giving me shit, I thought I would post what goes in to the black hole known as my mouth. There's some notes in here that pertain to my exercise program and may not make sense to you, gentle reader, so disregard them. Anyway...

10/6 Water 40 oz

7:30 am
1 granola bar
6 oz. OJ
2 cups of Earl Grey Tea

Feel: Fine

11:40

1 Caesar Salad w/ chicken (approx 1 breast piece)
3 Slices of Baguette
1 Pat of butter

Feel: Hungry for a minute then tired. Took a quick nap.

12:40
1 small chocolate chip cookie (Oreo sized)
25-30 grapes

1:40
12 grapes

3:00
1 cup Earl Grey Tea

4:00
GYM
Made it to level 8, halfway through shoulder raises (WTF is a shoulder curl?)
Did level 9 for a minute or so
Rode for 30 minutes total
1½ cup fried rice with tofu, pineapple, raisins, and cashews.
2 small (real small) pieces of cantaloupe
Feel: good

6:30 -8:30
2 vodka martinis
2 vodka and tonics (thanks Nick)

8:30 - 11:00
6.5 or so ounces of sliced deli roast beef (about enough to make a big sandwich) with horseradish and ketchup.
1 big glass of (a cabernet glass, full. Like 8 ounces) of red wine
2 bites of a taco bell taco salad (which I stole from Shannon)
15 grapes
3 Tablespoons of potato salad

Feel: Hungry (mouth, not belly). A little buzzed, Tired.

10/7 Water 96 oz

8:00
1 granola bar
6 oz OJ
1 cup Earl Grey tea

Feel: Good

11:00

Taco Salad ( I ate the shell too).
4 kernels of popcorn

Feel: A little tired

12:30

2 small pieces of bread with a little butter

Feel: A little tired


1:30

Plate of green salad with Italian dressing
1 small piece of bread

Feel: Full & tired

2:30

Small coffee

4:00

GYM
60 Minutes on the bike. Skipped intervals because I am sore
15 ball things, out and back as 1 count.

Feel: Tired

6:15
2 vodka martinis
Small salad with ahi tuna and a very small slice of bread

7:30
1 beer
1/2 big garden salad with chicken (about 1/4 breast).

8:30
1 vodka martini

9:00
1 apple
1 full glass red wine

I am SO stoked

I waited months for the final piece of my summer motorcycle modification binge to show up. Finally the last bit did. Tomorrow, our Honda goes in to go under the knife. If the research I've done is correct, we should be sitting with about another 7-10% horsepower, and a much better look.

God damn I love motorcycles. It's a little scary.

LOL

There's a dark cloud on Uranus.

Natalie Dee

Finally someone gets my aversion to gin.

Woo Hoo

I like to take this opprotunity to brag (again). Thanks to my wonderful wife, I bought at 39.

The esscence of evil

That's quite possibly the cutest little girl EVER. You may recongize her from here.

More from the PDX stormtroopers

Our local goons .

"Steenson said police had no reason to assault Chasse, smash him to the pavement, kick him, hogtie him and then use a Taser. He said witnesses described the officers as chuckling when they stood around the fallen man."

New Portland police motto... "To protect and serve ourselves".

Small world

In college, I built the Yellow Pages ad for Pete Seda. I hung out in this guys house every evening for months, doing marketing work for his business. Trip.

Is any one else...

Getting tired of this shit? I mean, if you're a cyclist, or black, or brown, you know that the cops around the greater Portland area are, by in large, under educated bullies.... We put up with selective enforcement, rudeness, apathy, and arogance all the time. But shooting a kid in front of his mom when he's threatening to kill him self with a pocket knife? You murdering pricks. Seriously, the kid was like 15 feet away and walking parallel to you. I'm no crackshot but I could hit a drunk teenager in the legs from 15 feet, no problem. Better yet, be the heros our media and your PR departments try to tell us you all are and why don't the 3 of you (wearing bullet proof vests) just bum rush the kid with with a 3 inch pocket knife? Or were you worried it would take to long and interrupt your busy schedule of writing tickets to people riding fixed gear bikes? Did you have some tattoos to "inspect"?

It is just me, or are the cops around here just getting WAY out of hand?

Panda bites man, man bites him back - Yahoo! News

This plays right into a discussion Shannon and I had last night. It is my theory that a cuter an animal is, the better it tastes. Ducks, Quail, Bunnies, Lambs... etc, etc. Therefore, the best tasting animal in the world is probably a baby panda (not the pinkies, but slightly older). Now I just need to find a baby panda.....

Hawthorne Theatre Follies

This is how we roll. Much thanks to Nick and the rest of the fellas in Dfive9

Yet another goat related tragedy

Where will it end?!

Dude I'm gonna be rich!!!!

Hooray!

The one fun part of Vegas

Was renting this little toy for a day. We took it up to Hoover dam then up Lake Mead (where Shannon made a friend) to Overton, NV. Then we motored down to LV. Good times.

Do you feel safer?

Do you?

Eaglerider

Did it. Loved it. Recommend it. Photos soon.

All right god dammit!!!

Who the fuck is responsible for bring this shit back?

Oh I forgot this

Holy giant windmills, Batman!

My life, summed up

I hate the god damn goat

This might be me too, I dunno.

Iron Butt Training

OK, so we're not quite ready for the 1000 miles in one day that it takes to join the Iron Butt club... but we did some training this weekend. Shannon and I took off Saturday from Portland and rode I-84 to Baker. Yes, as an old school Eastern Oregonian, I call it Baker not Baker City. We stayed at our favorite hotel in Oregon, the Bridge Street Inn.

The next morning, after cleaning the crap some assholes dumped on my bike to help them forget how shitty their lives are, we took off towards Portland. However, rather than take the easy way back, we took the scenic route.

Baker, Sumpter, Bates, Wasco, Condon, Monument, Fossil, Long Creek.

HWY 7 to 26. HWY 26 to HWY 395. HWY 395 to 402, then to 19. HWY 19 to 206. 206 to 97, then back to I-84.

We figure we made the better part of 700 miles in 2 days.

We're getting there.

From the "Don't try this at home" department

Tonight, the VTX got it's first race. Given, it was against a Harley Road King but still... We were two up and he was solo. While I don't recommend doing 80-100 down Belmont, it is very, very, very fun. A little life affirming as well. Nothing makes you aware of your own mortality and, therefore enjoy what you have, than doing something life riskingly stupid. BTW, we did win. I had him on power (a bit) and on who will hit the brakes first (by a lot).

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........


Does make me yearn for the 1800 a bit though.

Proof that not all Judy's are heartless bastards

My sister in law, folks.

Shrine of the Mall Ninja

OMFG, this is HILARIOUS!

Eating Paste

So Shannon and I have this game we like to play over IM. We call it easting paste. Basically, whenever anyone says "time to eat paste" you have to paste the contents of your clipboard into the IM session. We are SO COOL!!!!

toothpaste for dinner

That's funny

Astronomers say Pluto is not a planet

And no one gave a shit.

ROSETTA STONED

So they finally posted the lyrics... :) I love this song. I start almost ever day by listening to it as loud as I can.

Want some back story/front story/fun? Read this.



All righty then... picture this if you will...
10 to 2 am, X, yogi DMT, and a box of krispy kreme's in my "need to know" pose just outside of area 51, contemplating the whole chosen people thingy when just then a flaming stealth banana split the sky like one would hope but never really expect to see in a place like this. Cutting right angle donuts on a dime and stopping right at my birkinstocks, and me yelping "holy fuckin' shit!"

then the X file being, looking like some kinda blue green Jackie chan, with Isabella Rossellini lips, and breath that reeked of vanilla chig champa, did a slow mo matrix decent outta the butt end of the banana vessel, and hovered above my bug eyes, my gaping jaw, and my sweaty elron hubbard upper lip and all I could think was, "I hope uncle martin here doesn't notice that I pissed my fuckin pants!!"

so light in his way, like an apparition, that he had me crying out...
"fuck me! It's gotta be the dead head chemistry. (the) blotter got right on top o' me. Got me seeing E mutha fuckin T!


and after calming me down with some orange slices and some fetal spooning, E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose. He said. "you are the chosen one. The one who will deliver the message. A message of hope for those who choose to hear it, and a warning for those who do not." Me! The chosen one. They chose me!!!! And I didn't even graduate from fuckin' high school!!

Then he looked right through me with somniferous almond eyes. Don't even know what that means. Must remember to write it down.
This is so real. Like the time Dave floated away. See, my heart is pounding. cuz this shit never happens to me.
Can't breathe right now.

It was so real. Like I woke up in wonderland. all sorta terrifying. I don't wanna be alone while I tell this story.
And can anyone tell me why y'all sound like peanuts parents?
Will I ever be coming down?
This is so real. Finally it's my lucky day See, my heart is racing cuz this shit never happens to me.
Can't breathe right now.


You believe me don't you? Please believe what I've just said. See, the dead ain't touring and this wasn't all in my head. see they took me by the hand and invited me right in. then they showed me something. I don't even know where to begin.

Strapped down to my bed, feet cold and eyes red.
I'm out of my head am I alive? Am I dead.
Can't remember what they said. God damn. Shit the bed.
Overwhelmed as one would be placed in my position...
Such a heavy burden now to be the one
Born to bear and bring to all the details of our ending.
to write it down for all the world to see.
But I forgot my pen. Shit the bed again. Typical.


Strapped down to my bed, feet cold and eyes red.
I'm out of my head am I alive? Am I dead.
Sun kissed and Sudafed Gyro scopes and infrared
won't help. I'm brain dead. Can't remember what they said.
God damn. Shit the bed.


Can't remember what they said to me.
Can't remember what they said to make me out to be the hero.
Can't remember what they said.
Bob help me.
Can't remember what they said.


We don't know and we won't know.
God damn shit the bed.

Russian refuses math's highest honor

Ok first, I don't blame him. I think math at that level is an art, and you don't need a bunch of media whores cheapening your work. Now, on to the good stuff....

This is a screenshot from my pc.

1) Look at the guy. He's a math freak who lives with his mom? SHOCKER!
2) Seperated at birth? Osama Bin Perelman? Grigori Bin Laden?

Wow

This is more of a reminder for me to follow up on this than anything else.... But if this turns out not be something like the last cold fusion garbage, how cool would that be?

Dude.... Seriously, WTF?!?!

Oh yeah, it happens all the time. If I had a dollar for every time I "accidentally" drugged, raped, beat, and strangled a little girl I'd be blogging this on a sweet laptop MADE OF SOLID GOLD in my kick ass moon mansion.

What's more, have you seen this human turd?! That my be the single creepiest looking dude I have ever seen!

I am strongly opposed to the death penality for this guy however. I think GP here will provide justice. Welcome to the savagemanrapeville! Population? You!

Our Portland Reception

Was fantastic. Thanks for everyone who made it out. Huge thanks to the folks at the Blue Monk, especially Chris and Beth. I snapped a picture or two, see if you can geuss who the star of the show was....

Oh My Who's This

Look at Shannon go!

British: Thwarted plot involved 10 jets

How about the next time they try to pull this kind of shit we park one of these here?

I'm as antiwar as any thinking person, but the only way to fight terror is with terror. I know I harp on this, but it's Rome all over again. I'd elaborate more, but I'm tired. If you want me to defend this point of view, let me know.

Some stuff

The other night, I had a discussion with a kid who was heavily invested in his role in the bus project. We spoke, drunkenly, about a lot of things that night, but one subject sticks in my mind.

One of his main motivations for his political involvement was his opinion that community, as a backbone of society, was dying. He made a passionate argument based on the fact that the institutions the he used to define community, like churches, clubs (Elks, Eagles, etc.) and the like, are declining.

At first blush, and on the Fox news level, this makes sense. If one were to use this as one's only criteria, you could say community is declining and we're moving to a state of individual isolation. However, in my opinion, this is an extremely short sighted view.

Community itself is a product of social evolution. If you want a little more detail, a great place to start is Jared Diamond's "Guns, Germs, and Steel". Community once meant getting along while 10-12 of us shared a cave. Now, it means something else. Community is evolving. Where once it meant we all sat together at a common table and argued, it may now mean that we all sit at our individual keyboards and argue.

Is this a bad thing? Eh, maybe... maybe not. Personally, I don't think so. However, my opinion doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is that social norms, like species, are born, have their day in the sun, and die. To attach true social survival to the continuity of a fabricated social structure is foolish.

I should and could expand on this line of thinking but I'm tired so I'll quit for now.

In other news.... Mike, who is to Portland service industry folks what Zeus is to the Greek gods, lost a bunch of weight and looks great. I command certain other member of the service industry (Stormy, I'm looking at you) to reward him with the sex. The Night Light has apparently slipped off the hip scale enough that I can now go back in and hang out with Mike. You should too.

Happy Birthday to me!

State Mottos

North Dakota - "Yes, everything here does bite.... No, not sarcastically, they actually bite. Seriously, you will bleed."
Idaho - "JESUS!!!! Hurr.................. Why do you hate America? Hurr.........."
Montana - "There is no escape from the Clark Fork. Ever."
South Dakota "Come for the crap, stay for the caves."

OMG Hiccups

Why wont they stop? Oh god let it end.

Oh that and there's and town in Florida that is actually passing a law to ban Satan. I love Florida so very, very, very much. Best state ever.

God damn hiccups.

Oh, and I love my wife. She just needs to get the "obey" part down.

The holy whatever

You know I believe our creator is genderless. When I meet it, I think my masculinity will be judged against will be that which is Chris Massey.

Quick Note

Apparently, Shannon and I were on the food network last night. In case anyone wonders, I think Ms. Ray has a case of snatchitis.

Upon returning to Portland, I have found my allergies were here, waiting for me. That and for some reason I cannot see to sleep enough. This was affecting me when me left and has got me a bit worried for my health. When you're known to suffer from insomnia and suddenly you find 12 hours a day to be inadequate sleep, it might be indicative of a problem. I'll hit the doctor soonish.

Work is as work was. Plenty to do and not enough time to do it.... Just the way I like it.

I miss Montana. My goal for when I'm 40 (if you don't know, you don't kow me well enough to ask :) seems too far away at this point. Every day I wonder if now isn't the time.

QOTD

"Saying mac osx has 'the power of unix' is like putting whippets in your glovebox then saying your car has 'the power of nitrous'"

We're back

Well, the fun is over. We had a wonderful trip, a great wedding, an abundance of the one thing we both love the most... time with each other alone.

Thanks to everyone who came out to help and share the day with us.

I would also like to thank:

The Montana Dept. Of Transportation and the people of Montana - For making great roads, having a speed limit that makes sense, having self serve gas, being VERY friendly, and just generally having a kick ass state. Special thanks to the folks in Sidney and Fairview. Oh, and BIG thanks to the Best Western in Miles City for having ONE hotel room left when I had driven WAY to far in one day

The Bridge Street Inn in Baker City Oregon - For being a GREAT bargain and a nice place to stay

Shannons Family (including Kim and Anya) - For being extremely gracious hosts, as always. You're all welcome out here any time.

Lipton Unsweetened Ice Tea - For keeping me refreshed

The Berry's - For a fun day on the river

Raymond - The dude we spent a few hours chatting with outside the hotel in Boman, ND. Hope life keeps treating you well.

Target - For making a great 5 dollar atlas


Pans for the trip?


Idaho. Yes, the whole state. There are beautiful spots, but the people are weird.

Yellowstone. Again, beautiful spots... but kind of a let down after glacier last year.

Montana HWY 200 - Just don't. Ever. There's just no god damn reason to be on that road ever.

More later, gotta go hack down the yard

The North Dakota Wedding Odyssey Part 7

Yellowstone was a bit anti-climatic, but we had fun anyway. Bear tooth pass RULES!!!

By the way, I rode my first hardtail last week. I was thinking about a Ducati Monster (dark) for my next bike, but I am seriously thinking about some old school Harley steel. It felt, really, really, good. Rob, your bike kicks ass.

Oh and Eastern Idaho, specifically Rexburg and St. Anthony, sucks dirty cow ass.

The North Dakota Wedding Odyssey Part 6

But wait there's more. Today finds us quitting early in Red Lodge, MT. Tomorrow... Yellowstone :)

And here are Brandie and Robert... My favorite cowboys ever!

The North Dakota Wedding Odyssey Part 5

Crazy Horse monument, "Crazy Horse Crystal Caves", Rushmore water park (100 degrees, we hit the water slides HARD), storms, antelope, etc. etc.

Nice. Tonight finds us in Boman, ND. Back to Fairview for festival tomorrow. Let the drunken barn dance begin!

New URL for the Blog

www.johnjudysblog.com

There you go.

The North Dakota Wedding Odyssey Part 4

The wedding. Enjoy

The North Dakota Wedding Odyssey Part 3

A little photo side trip on the way back from getting the license.

The North Dakota Wedding Odyssey Part 2

Here's some of today's ( July 1st) highlights (click the title). Long day

The North Dakota Wedding Odyssey Part 1

We left Friday at 2 or 3 and made it to Ritsville.  We've stopped here every time for the past three years because the hotels are cheap, there's always a room, and the local sports bar has good burgers and cold beer.  Last year, I took some really cool photos here (the train, the pepsi machine).  This year, I am just too f*ing exhausted to do anything.  We went to the bar, had a burger and a couple buds, watched a little North by Northwest and Shannon crashed.  I synced the wedding music playlists from my Zen to the PC (I have NO sympathy for those that don't back up thier data), now I'm blogging this and after a final glass of merlot I think I will hit the hay as well.

Tomorrow begins at 4 a.m.  I hope to cover most of Montana tomorrow, but I may slow myself down on purpose.  If I am not careful, we may hit Fairview on Sunday.  It's going to be chaos (parents + wedding = BOOM) so I might take a scenic route or two.  I will try to post pictures as we go, but contectivity is going to be hit and miss.  I hope to get DUN via my Samsung i730 while on the road but who knows?  If all else fails, I have a case of wine in the trunk and a few hours worth of MST3K's on the Zen.  I'm golden.

Join us, won't you?

Operation removes lightbulb from anus

Hot

Lenny

Lenny was hit by a car and died tonight

The original "design flaw in goldifsh" story

As told on E2 before it got so damn annoying....

So... I'm sitting around last night, fiddling with the computer and getting ready to go outside and ride in the tour de garage, when my phone rings. Now, normally this would not be a big deal, because (as those of you who know me know) I NEVER answer my phone. Something said I should answer this one though, so I did. It was my girlfriend. She was distraught. Apparently, there had been an aquarium cleaning "incident", which involved a high degree of grossness. Being male, it was incumbent upon me to deal with said grossness. I arrived to survey the damage.

At first blush, everything was normal. However upon closer inspection and with some emotional description, I learned that something was indeed horribly wrong. In the acrylic 55 gallon tank was a black goldfish, which had been entrusted to our care by a friend some years ago. The fish was swimming pretty much like it always does, and looked fairly normal, with one exception.

THE DAMN THING HAD NO EYES!!!!

The eyes, as it turns out, were in a bucket of old water, floating peacefully near the top. Apparently, here is what happened:

Water is changed in our aquaria by siphoning the old water out into buckets. The siphon consists of a cylinder roughly the size of a tennis ball can attached to a length of plastic hose. Occasionally, smaller fish (loaches, and others) will get sucked into the cylinder and through the hose. No biggie, they wind up in the bucket and are promptly returned to the tank. The goldfish, however, was slightly larger. It made it into the cylinder, but was too large to enter the hose. The suction was not strong enough to do any harm to the fish, with the exception of removing it's f**king eyes! After quickly removing the fish from the trap, my girlfriend had at first thought that everything was OK. Until she glanced into the drainage bucket, and saw the eyes. At this point, she called the cavalry (me). While the fish appeared to be capable of functioning fairly normally, I couldn't bring myself to force it to live blindly and with the distinct probability of painful infection setting in.

So, our friend the black goldfish was euthanized, and the eyes were dealt with as all spare fish eyes should be. Frozen in an ice cube to be served as a practical joke.

After much discussion, she and I agreed that while she should have perhaps been a bit more attentive whilst draining the water, the true fault lies with the designer of goldfish (insert your favorite deity here), who should have stuck the eyes in there a little better in the first place.

Drunken Rambling

So... First off, I spent way too much time on the Harely Davidson site tonight. Yeah, you heard me. I know I have been an advocate of Japanese bikes for a million years, but I am kicking around the idea of a Harely. Why? Well, slightly bigger displacement, nice styling, and.... well, I think there's something cool about keeping it real. There would not be meteric cruisers if there was never a Harley. I don't know if I will act on this, but I'm thinking about it. To be fair, I am looking at Indians as well.

Next, I don't know if I'm sick or what but I've been really grouchy lately. I know I have been suffering from allergies more than normal. I hope that's it.

What else? I've got to rebuild a server that took me weeks to get the way I wanted it in the next 4 days. Oh, and my iPod died. It's either the drive or the MB. Anyway, it would cost a couple hundred to fix... about the cost of a new device. I am now trying to decide between another iPod, a Zen, or a device by iAudio. If anyone has any advice I would LOVE to hear it.

Wedding is coming up soon. I just want it to be done at this point. The wedding is something you do for everyone else, and as you know I have a hard time with things that don't benefit me directly. Whatever, it will probably be funish. However, it has made me gay. I paid 90 bucks for the shirt I am going to get married in. I haven't paid that much for any item of clothing in a LONG time. I am SO not one of those guys. On any given day, this is my outfit:

Pants I bought used for 20 or so
Black T-Shirt I bought at Target or whatever for 5-10 bucks.... Unless I wear a band or winery T-Shirt I bought for 20
Cheap ass underwear and socks
A belt I bought at the St. Paul rodeo with "JJ" stamped on the back
A pair of Born's or Keen's (I like nice shoes)

If it's cold, I wear a Kangol and my Mary's Club jacket

Notice something? NO 90 dollar shirts, 150 jeans, or any of that shit Gavin (my clothes horse buddy from the UK) wears.

The extra shitty part? It's white. You know why I wear black? Because it absorbs beer, wine, motor oil, chain lub, and other stuff. This 90 dollar shit will be ruined the night I wear it. NEAT. Fux0r.

OK that's it. BTW, does anyone read this? Let me know.

Quote of the day

Overheard whilst sitting in my backyard this morning eating breakfast. I have some interesting neighbors....

Mom: "We're gonna fight if you don't clean up the house"
Child: "I'm gonna kill you if you don't shut up"

This is why I'm in favor of abortion up to around the 20th trimester.

Thank You, Tool

Read songs 3 and 4 (really part of a 3 song triology)

Once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Just buy it

Buy 10,000 days already

Vicariously I
Live while the whole world dies



God damn, shit the bed

Iraqi President Says Killing Must Stop

"But attacks continued across Iraq."

Wouldn't it be funny if that really worked? "Well damn, Jalal, all you had to do was ask!"

Viva la Raza

1M Immigrants Skip Work for Demonstration - Yahoo! News

Don't know about you, but this works for me. Personally, I think we lost something when we stole Oregon. Maybe it's time we acknowledge what went down and see how we and our brown brothers and sisters can help each other out.

You notice how no body got killed or hurt? Hell, their protests are more responsible than those of "real" citizens. Wake up folks. These people are your neighbors. For the most part, these ARE AMERICANS. Let's quit pretending they aren't and find a policy that works.

The Daily Telegraph | Rape claim

The Daily Telegraph | Rape claim

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

America FUCK YEAH!

Dale Earnhardt Christmas Express Train - The Hamilton...

Sweet Zombie Jesus what have we become?

Under Appreciated Bands Part One

Toadies WebSite

I think maybe I will use my awesome blogging powers to let some of you bitches know about bands that have not been appreciated to the degree they should have. Musical brillance, partially by it's nature, doesn't always get the buzz it should.

I realize this is low hanging fruit in that regard, but check out the Toadies. Pure Texas attitude mixed with really solid musical craftsnmanship and the kind dark lyrics I can't resist. You may have missed their glory days, but it's worth another, closer look.

Do you wanna die?

Yet another couple damning thier children to hell

Melissa Etheridge Partner Expecting Twins - Yahoo! News

For fucks sake, it's obvious that gay folks can carry off the whole parenthood thing. Can't we move past this yet?

Homeland Deputy Arrested in Seduction Case - Yahoo! News

Homeland Deputy Arrested in Seduction Case - Yahoo! News

America.. FUCK YEAH!!! OMG this is so hot.

The Pulcifier

The Pulcifier

OMG, this is the best ever.

My space

After hearing about myspace everywhere for the last couple weeks, I thought I'd give it a try. Whatever. Who the fuck is Tom?

Michael Jackson may sing late Pope's prayers - Yahoo! News

Michael Jackson may sing late Pope's prayers - Yahoo! News

Ok do I really even need to comment on this?

US defense industry frets about high Iraq spending - Yahoo! News

US defense industry frets about high Iraq spending - Yahoo! News

Yet more evidence that our CNC doesn't get it. To all you folks in the midwest and/or Beaverton, I know you meant well, but consider the source of the message. The very people who stand to benefit the most from our war mongering policies are now doubting those same policies. Wake up.

Study Roman history for a bit, and then consider where we are now, who we are fighting, and what needs to be done. Then, peel that stupid yellow ribbon off your Hummer and start considering what it means to have have assumed the lastest incarnation of Rome.

Is it just me?

I was just listening to Velvet Revolver... It seems to me Slash has been playing the same damn guitar solo on every song since GNR.

What a great weekend

Shannon and I spent Fri - Sun touring Southern Oregon and the Oregon coast. What did we learn? Lobster tail is nonsked. Oh, and if you pop for a off season suite at the Yachats Inn you'll be pleasantly suprised, Coos Bay sucks, and finally the 2005 Chevy Impala LT is a piece of shit.

Whatever....

I haven't updated this in a while because the holidays make me depressed as a mother fucker. Thus, I don't do anything. That and I hate anyone who reads this.

Anyway, here's your quote of the day. Identify the band and win:

"Ever fall in love with a Chevy?
Ever fall in love with a Ford?
Ever felt the torque of a Hemi?
Ever seen the face of the lord?"

Oh, and it's almost tattoo time. Any suggestions? Let me know. I have ideas, but they suck.

Oh, and it's 2006. I'm fatter and older.

Fuck it.