Tips for your co-workers

I was just going through my main site and found this. Still useful, though I wrote it like 12 years ago:

Tips for Hygienically and Civility Challenged

* Trash goes IN the trash can. Please note the use of the word IN, as opposed to ON. Putting the trash in the trash can does require lifting the lid. If you have difficulty with the definitions of in and on, please see below:

IN: Not out; within; inside.

ON: At, or in contact with, the surface or upper part of a thing, and supported by it; placed or lying in contact with the surface.

Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) [web1913]

* On that same note, there are substantial differences between the counter tops and garbage cans. One of these is that garbage goes IN the trash can, and not ON the counter top. This particular difference also applies to floors and tabletops. If you are unclear on this or the many other differences between garbage cans and counter tops, feel free to ask your children, who should be more than intellectually equipped to explain the intricacies to you.

* There are two large knives in the kitchen used to cut bagels. These are not your personal knives, in the same way that the kitchen is not your kitchen at home. That being the case, please do not use these knives to spread jam or other condiments, and then leave them for others to clean. That may work at home, but your assumption that your coworkers enjoy doing your dishes is most assuredly incorrect.

* Coffee making is a very simple skill. This skill should be employed when you empty the coffeepot, or when you replace it on the burner at an extremely low level. If you cannot decipher the technical intricacies of operating the coffee machine, please ask one of the people who have been making the coffee you drink, and they will be happy to
explain it to you.

* Men, the newspaper is provided by the company for community reading. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, the community in this case consists of a great number of people who are unlikely to be found in a stall in the men’s room. Many of you display amazing gallantry by bringing the paper back when you are finished. Shockingly, many people find the idea of flipping through a newspaper embedded with the detritus of the men’s room floor unappealing. Therefore, it is requested that the newspaper remain in the lunchroom. If you find your schedule so packed that you must get your news and use the lavatory at the same time, your own personal copy of the Oregonian can be had for the paltry sum of $.35.

Yes, I know it's 50 cents now.