My Birthday

OK, this will probably ramble and be full of errors because the celebration is winding down, but so be it.

Today I turned 39 and I'd like to record a few things.

First, I don't usually make a big deal out of birthdays. I don't feel that the anniversary of my occupation of a body is exceptionally important. If my hope is born out in reality, it's happened before and it will happen again. It's no more significant that getting back in line for a roller coaster. I've chosen other dates to assign importance to, but even those are purely personal... I don't think they really mean anything.

That being said, I'm human. I try to be as humble as I can because I think it's important, but every now and then a guy wants to be recognized. So, I'd to thank some folks for making me feel a little special.

A couple people from my old job unexpectedly remembered my birthday. It caught me by surprise, and I really appreciate it. Kind of a sweet reminder of a good time and a hard lesson.

Also, everyone at Cava. You folks are always nice, but it really felt good to have everyone acknowledge that tonight was a little different. I'm diggin' you guys hard.

Next, thanks to my lovely wife for making everything easy and knowing exactly what I wanted even though I'd never say so myself. It's just one of the thousands of reasons I love her and I'm SO, SO, SO glad she's my best friend EVAR!

Next, I gave myself a reward tonight. First for getting my health together, and next for being about where I should be at this age. I had a hamburger. I haven't had one in a while, and the Cava guys made me what seemed to be an extra fat, extra rare one... Just the way I like them. God damn it was good.

I also had a monkey tail. For those of you that don't know, I like "fair food". Shave ice, hot dogs, giant pretzels, I love it all. Of course, you can't eat this all the time so when I do I really dig it. As fate would have it, Cava had a fancy monkey tail (frozen banana, dipped in chocolate and rolled in nuts) on the desert menu. It was AWESOME.

Also, there was booze. I like booze.

OK, so what do I want to work on as I head towards 40?

1) Keep working towards better health. My excursion into depression taught me that once your body starts revolting against you, you're fucked. I don't want to be fucked again. My goal is to keep the machine running as long as I can, because now that I've seen both the upside and the downside I really, really dig the upside. When I say "another day in paradise", I'm only half kidding. I want to stay here awhile.

2) Tolerance. I say this every year, and I get better every year... But I still have a way to go. It runs in the family. Judy men are always right (whether they are or not), and have a VERY short fuse when it comes to people who can't catch on right away. I've realized that it's healthier and more human if I can relax and give people a chance to catch up, but it's really hard. I'm hoping to make a breakthrough or two in this area this year.

3) See if I can't manage to grow a little bit. We're all missing something, and we all look for it in our own way. I'm going to try to find a chunk of it. If feel like I've got the head under control. The next project is to see what we can do with the heart. Wish me luck.

4) Patience. Things seem to happen better for me when I don't try to rush them. It's hard sometimes... I feel like I KNOW where things have to be and I just want them to hurry up and get there, so I push. Funny thing is, when I push they happen... But in ways I didn't expect and don't necessarily like. I just gotta roll with the punches a little better. The ox is slow, but the earth is patient.

5) Increase the love, decrease the rage. Shit's gonna happen. My first reaction is usually to want to hit it with a hammer and laugh while it bleeds. It tends to work out better if I just grab the shitty situation/person/whatever, give it a hug, and remember that it's all going to work out in the end. I need to remember this.

I guess the main theme is I know how the book ends. I need to quit trying to rewrite it. Life seems to work much better when I get out of the way.

We'll see how that goes.