Ladies and gentlemen, I give you....

My old boss:

OREGON CITY - The software engineer who killed himself Sunday at the Clackamas County Jail found the means inside his booking cell - a telephone with a foot-long cord.

Brian Truman Hebener, 51, was locked up alone when he hanged himself about 7:30 p.m. from the cord of a wall-mounted phone. Oregon City police arrested him earlier that evening after an altercation with a neighbor.

Phones are provided in nine of the jail's 10 booking cells for inmates to contact their lawyers, said sheriff's spokesman Sgt. Lee Eby. The handsets are designed with short cords to deter suicide attempts.

Eby said jail officials will review the phones as part of an internal investigation prompted by the suicide. "Maybe there's a better one out there," he said of the phone design. "We're reviewing it because we don't want this to happen again."

Between this and my link to this guy (I designed his print ads, renamed his business, and did a bunch of other marketing related work for him years ago), I think I might be cursed.

Oh and hey retarded cop? How about taking the phones out of the cells? How about supervised access to a communal phone? You know, "you been a bad boy so you don't get to use the grown up phone". I know cops aren't generally the brightest bulbs in the box but come on.. "Maybe there's a better one out there"? Dude, I've been drinking all night and it took me 7 seconds to come up with a better plan... And that plan was the best of three I thought of, ALL of which would work better than what you have now, and all of which took me 30 seconds to formulate. SRSLY, we give these morons guns and let them walk among us? WTF? I know children that could have figured this one out.