I suck. After blaming the problem on how newer kernels handled disk i/o and journaling, and after trying multiple different versions of multiple different distros, I found the problem. A bad memory module. You want to know the best part? When this whole crap storm started, I suspected as much and ran a memory test. I stopped it because it was taking to long. Spending an extra 3 minutes would have saved me three weeks.
Oh well, at least I was introduced to Ubuntu, which is freakin' awesome for your day to day box. When I get back to work, I am going to push for Ubuntu for clients. It's easy and it works.
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