When this happens in Portland (and it will... I've warned you all countless times), all you will see is a streak of smoke heading out of town. That streak will be the smoke left by John, running from the apian horde.
"Strong said the experts onsite have reported the situation is under control and there is no reason for the public to panic.
However, anyone with bee allergies and at a risk of anaphylactic shock should leave the area until the situation has been resolved, Strong said."
Bullshit. They ALWAYS say the "situation is under control". Those are the last words you hear before you perish in a storm of buzzing and stinging! ANYONE WHO WANTS TO LIVE should get the hell out of there PRONTO!!!! Bees are flying packets of sting and hate! Honey is only a by product of the sting production process! These ones are mad (like all bees) and READY FOR WAR (also, like all bees).
Monday, June 30, 2008
Jesus for President
Sigh... Listen, if you folks want to have imaginary friends that's OK. If you want to blindly follow the 213,432,453,123,429,783rd hand teachings of someone who lived thousands of years ago in a culture you couldn't possible understand, that's great. Just please, KEEP THIS SHIT TO YOURSELVES.
Also, why am I not surprised that the idea came from someone who looks like this:
"DUDE I SMOKED THE BIBLE & NOW I HAS KNOWLEDGE! BOB MARLEY LIVES IN MY RASTA VIBES! GOT ANY SPARE CHANGE?".
Who would Jesus vote for? Who knows/cares? It's like asking how Lucy would fair on the NASCAR circuit. It's a stupid question asked by stupid people.
Also, why am I not surprised that the idea came from someone who looks like this:
"DUDE I SMOKED THE BIBLE & NOW I HAS KNOWLEDGE! BOB MARLEY LIVES IN MY RASTA VIBES! GOT ANY SPARE CHANGE?".
Who would Jesus vote for? Who knows/cares? It's like asking how Lucy would fair on the NASCAR circuit. It's a stupid question asked by stupid people.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
The more they try to bring him down...
The more they convince me I picked the right horse in this race. "He's the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette that stands against the wall and makes snide comments about everyone." Sounds like my kind of guy. After 8 years of the dipshit with the hummer drinking a natty ice, I'm ready for a guy who realizes that the lowest common denominator is not always the best thing to be. Seriously, do you want James Bond running the country or Larry the Cable Guy?
An interesting take...
...on the political and military (not to mention moral) bankruptcy of the current war in Iraq by a Marine. Basically, he's stating that if you ignore (or force others to ignore) evidence that you've made a mistake in deciding to engage, and you apply correctly military doctrine in that engagement, you succeed in turning what could be your greatest asset into your greatest liability.
Taking this a bit further, another fundamental tenet of armed conflict is to disguise both your strengths and your weaknesses. Interestingly enough, in the current conflict we've managed to put ourselves into a situation where doing this is next to impossible, so the fact that we've made the mistake of preserving in a mistaken course is broadcast to those who have been praying we would do just that.
Taking this a bit further, another fundamental tenet of armed conflict is to disguise both your strengths and your weaknesses. Interestingly enough, in the current conflict we've managed to put ourselves into a situation where doing this is next to impossible, so the fact that we've made the mistake of preserving in a mistaken course is broadcast to those who have been praying we would do just that.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
And here we go...
I wondered how long it would take for these assholes to chime in.
"Evangelicals are people who take Bible interpretation very seriously, and the sort of speech he gave shows that he is worlds away in the views of evangelicals". Which is exactly why thinking people (as opposed to evangelicals) should be looking at Obama, and while I'll be voting for him.
Here is everything you need to know about evangelicals, summed up in one image:
"Evangelicals are people who take Bible interpretation very seriously, and the sort of speech he gave shows that he is worlds away in the views of evangelicals". Which is exactly why thinking people (as opposed to evangelicals) should be looking at Obama, and while I'll be voting for him.
Here is everything you need to know about evangelicals, summed up in one image:
Sunday, June 22, 2008
G.I. John
As part of a Army program to encourage employers not to be dicks to their employees who serve in the National Guard, Nick and I were invited to spend a day at Fort Lewis and participate in operation "Tacoma Thrust" (LOL). As a fan and student of all thing military, I was needless to say thrilled.
The day started with a run through of a field tactical operations center and an MRE. The TOC was a real eye-opener. Anyone who's studied how military organizations and conflict knows that more than anything it's all about logistics. I knew this coming into it, but I was blown away by just how organized these guys are. Also, while the MRE gets a bad rap, and while I'm certain my opinion would change were I to eat them everyday as a soldier in the field, I like 'em. It's a whole bunch of easy to prepare and pretty damn edible food in a nice little bag. I had hot roast beef and veggies... I'd eat it again. Also, you can use the heating chemicals to make a little bomb, which is awesome.
Next was the short distance firing range. This is where soldiers get comfortable and proficient with their weapons in the situations where they'll most likely be using them... Distances of 50 meters or less. We were given a short course on the M4 and M68 CCO and then were treated to the best part of the day... Getting a little return on my tax dollars by expending a few hundred rounds of military ammo. The weapons is very light, easy to operate, accurate, and FUN. Burst mode, while perhaps not super useful in a tactical situation, is AWESOME for wasting ammo and killing paper men.
We then took part in a training exercise. Basically, it was a simualted convoy being attacked by simulated bad guys. This was a real eye-opener. Getting a bunch of shit from point A to point B while people are trying to kill you is not a trivial task. Here's us getting attacked by a simulated IED and a simulated grenade. By the way, the video does no justice to how loud those things are.
Finally, a truly terrible dinner at the base chow hall and we were off. Personally, I think anyone who eats in the place deserves a medal. Another MRE would have been better.
Anyway, I've always had respect for soldiers. While anyone who knows me knows my opinion of the current war (the Iraq part anyway), I think our soldiers deserve our empathy, support, and the best tools we can give them. My experience on the base enlighted me as to just how hard these folks work and what a bunch of polite, nice, bright people they really are. They don't always get the thanks they should, and I think if everyone could get a little first hand experience with the how hard they work (even in training) that might change.
Anyway, here's some pictures.
The day started with a run through of a field tactical operations center and an MRE. The TOC was a real eye-opener. Anyone who's studied how military organizations and conflict knows that more than anything it's all about logistics. I knew this coming into it, but I was blown away by just how organized these guys are. Also, while the MRE gets a bad rap, and while I'm certain my opinion would change were I to eat them everyday as a soldier in the field, I like 'em. It's a whole bunch of easy to prepare and pretty damn edible food in a nice little bag. I had hot roast beef and veggies... I'd eat it again. Also, you can use the heating chemicals to make a little bomb, which is awesome.
Next was the short distance firing range. This is where soldiers get comfortable and proficient with their weapons in the situations where they'll most likely be using them... Distances of 50 meters or less. We were given a short course on the M4 and M68 CCO and then were treated to the best part of the day... Getting a little return on my tax dollars by expending a few hundred rounds of military ammo. The weapons is very light, easy to operate, accurate, and FUN. Burst mode, while perhaps not super useful in a tactical situation, is AWESOME for wasting ammo and killing paper men.
We then took part in a training exercise. Basically, it was a simualted convoy being attacked by simulated bad guys. This was a real eye-opener. Getting a bunch of shit from point A to point B while people are trying to kill you is not a trivial task. Here's us getting attacked by a simulated IED and a simulated grenade. By the way, the video does no justice to how loud those things are.
Finally, a truly terrible dinner at the base chow hall and we were off. Personally, I think anyone who eats in the place deserves a medal. Another MRE would have been better.
Anyway, I've always had respect for soldiers. While anyone who knows me knows my opinion of the current war (the Iraq part anyway), I think our soldiers deserve our empathy, support, and the best tools we can give them. My experience on the base enlighted me as to just how hard these folks work and what a bunch of polite, nice, bright people they really are. They don't always get the thanks they should, and I think if everyone could get a little first hand experience with the how hard they work (even in training) that might change.
Anyway, here's some pictures.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
A little something for the fellas....
Well most of the fellas anyway. I some of the ladies too, I guess. Fine, "a little something for everyone that likes boobies". No, not those THESE. Anyway, here we have an archive of every playmate of the month since Playboy started. Kind of fun to look at what was hot when you were born, graduated high school (OMG THE HAIR), etc. etc. Obviously NSFW.
THANK YOU INTERWEB!1
THANK YOU INTERWEB!1
Thursday, June 19, 2008
The amazing shrinking John!
15 down... 15 (or so) to go....
Also, on a completely unrelated note, remember the show that I emceed for? The one where I got sick and everything sucked? Well check this out. It's the MySpace for the guy behind that fiasco of a club. Once I saw it, the reason behind the vibe in that place was immediately clear.
"Shoot me a line if you would like to come down and check it out. I'm newly single and looking for girls "outside the biz." but I have been known to make exceptions :)"
Sniff, sniff.... Do you smell that? IT'S CLASS, BABY!
Also, on a completely unrelated note, remember the show that I emceed for? The one where I got sick and everything sucked? Well check this out. It's the MySpace for the guy behind that fiasco of a club. Once I saw it, the reason behind the vibe in that place was immediately clear.
"Shoot me a line if you would like to come down and check it out. I'm newly single and looking for girls "outside the biz." but I have been known to make exceptions :)"
Sniff, sniff.... Do you smell that? IT'S CLASS, BABY!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Well Crap...
Shannon left for Maryland again... Which leaves me to my own devices and feeling like a sad dog with snow on his nose.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Slow cooked karma's gonna get you
To borrow a page from Shannon Stone's play book, I'm gonna go ahead and call this karmic retribution for George Bush. Hope God told you to build some Arks! Don't worry though, I'm sure your boy is right on top if it just like he was for those folks in Louisiana!
Crap, I wonder if this means I won't be invited to Cannes next year?
Crap, I wonder if this means I won't be invited to Cannes next year?
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
I've said it before...
...and I'll say it again, and again, and again until you people believe me. BEES ARE NOT OUR FRIENDS. They are mean and they hate us. Not in the "Nrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... they haet r freedums" way but in the "I hate you and I want you to die way".
You may think me irrational now. You may even laugh. But as the final bee butt glistening with venom is angrily thrust into your eye (they LOVE to destroy eyes. It's like going to Disneyland for them), remember I told you so.
You may think me irrational now. You may even laugh. But as the final bee butt glistening with venom is angrily thrust into your eye (they LOVE to destroy eyes. It's like going to Disneyland for them), remember I told you so.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I have discovered the formula for happiness!!!
Pay attention class...
Home + Nap = Hap
Hap + Pie = Happie, or as the Americans would say "Happy"
So, in order to be happy, one will need to be home, take a nap, and then eat some pie.
Thank you very much. This will be on the mid term.
Home + Nap = Hap
Hap + Pie = Happie, or as the Americans would say "Happy"
So, in order to be happy, one will need to be home, take a nap, and then eat some pie.
Thank you very much. This will be on the mid term.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Let's hear it for pants!
P is for powerful!
A is for AWESOME!
N is for nice!
T is for terrific!
S is for.... SHIT! Where are mine?!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PANTS!
Monday, June 02, 2008
Baby I'm a star
So I got to emcee for this show Friday:
Good news? Pretty girls in their underwear and John on stage, however briefly. Bad news? The venue was SKETCHY, drinks were weak and wrong, food ways genuinely dreadful, and I got sick.
Good news? Pretty girls in their underwear and John on stage, however briefly. Bad news? The venue was SKETCHY, drinks were weak and wrong, food ways genuinely dreadful, and I got sick.
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