The North Dakota Wedding Odyssey Part 1

We left Friday at 2 or 3 and made it to Ritsville.  We've stopped here every time for the past three years because the hotels are cheap, there's always a room, and the local sports bar has good burgers and cold beer.  Last year, I took some really cool photos here (the train, the pepsi machine).  This year, I am just too f*ing exhausted to do anything.  We went to the bar, had a burger and a couple buds, watched a little North by Northwest and Shannon crashed.  I synced the wedding music playlists from my Zen to the PC (I have NO sympathy for those that don't back up thier data), now I'm blogging this and after a final glass of merlot I think I will hit the hay as well.

Tomorrow begins at 4 a.m.  I hope to cover most of Montana tomorrow, but I may slow myself down on purpose.  If I am not careful, we may hit Fairview on Sunday.  It's going to be chaos (parents + wedding = BOOM) so I might take a scenic route or two.  I will try to post pictures as we go, but contectivity is going to be hit and miss.  I hope to get DUN via my Samsung i730 while on the road but who knows?  If all else fails, I have a case of wine in the trunk and a few hours worth of MST3K's on the Zen.  I'm golden.

Join us, won't you?

Operation removes lightbulb from anus

Hot

Lenny

Lenny was hit by a car and died tonight

The original "design flaw in goldifsh" story

As told on E2 before it got so damn annoying....

So... I'm sitting around last night, fiddling with the computer and getting ready to go outside and ride in the tour de garage, when my phone rings. Now, normally this would not be a big deal, because (as those of you who know me know) I NEVER answer my phone. Something said I should answer this one though, so I did. It was my girlfriend. She was distraught. Apparently, there had been an aquarium cleaning "incident", which involved a high degree of grossness. Being male, it was incumbent upon me to deal with said grossness. I arrived to survey the damage.

At first blush, everything was normal. However upon closer inspection and with some emotional description, I learned that something was indeed horribly wrong. In the acrylic 55 gallon tank was a black goldfish, which had been entrusted to our care by a friend some years ago. The fish was swimming pretty much like it always does, and looked fairly normal, with one exception.

THE DAMN THING HAD NO EYES!!!!

The eyes, as it turns out, were in a bucket of old water, floating peacefully near the top. Apparently, here is what happened:

Water is changed in our aquaria by siphoning the old water out into buckets. The siphon consists of a cylinder roughly the size of a tennis ball can attached to a length of plastic hose. Occasionally, smaller fish (loaches, and others) will get sucked into the cylinder and through the hose. No biggie, they wind up in the bucket and are promptly returned to the tank. The goldfish, however, was slightly larger. It made it into the cylinder, but was too large to enter the hose. The suction was not strong enough to do any harm to the fish, with the exception of removing it's f**king eyes! After quickly removing the fish from the trap, my girlfriend had at first thought that everything was OK. Until she glanced into the drainage bucket, and saw the eyes. At this point, she called the cavalry (me). While the fish appeared to be capable of functioning fairly normally, I couldn't bring myself to force it to live blindly and with the distinct probability of painful infection setting in.

So, our friend the black goldfish was euthanized, and the eyes were dealt with as all spare fish eyes should be. Frozen in an ice cube to be served as a practical joke.

After much discussion, she and I agreed that while she should have perhaps been a bit more attentive whilst draining the water, the true fault lies with the designer of goldfish (insert your favorite deity here), who should have stuck the eyes in there a little better in the first place.

Drunken Rambling

So... First off, I spent way too much time on the Harely Davidson site tonight. Yeah, you heard me. I know I have been an advocate of Japanese bikes for a million years, but I am kicking around the idea of a Harely. Why? Well, slightly bigger displacement, nice styling, and.... well, I think there's something cool about keeping it real. There would not be meteric cruisers if there was never a Harley. I don't know if I will act on this, but I'm thinking about it. To be fair, I am looking at Indians as well.

Next, I don't know if I'm sick or what but I've been really grouchy lately. I know I have been suffering from allergies more than normal. I hope that's it.

What else? I've got to rebuild a server that took me weeks to get the way I wanted it in the next 4 days. Oh, and my iPod died. It's either the drive or the MB. Anyway, it would cost a couple hundred to fix... about the cost of a new device. I am now trying to decide between another iPod, a Zen, or a device by iAudio. If anyone has any advice I would LOVE to hear it.

Wedding is coming up soon. I just want it to be done at this point. The wedding is something you do for everyone else, and as you know I have a hard time with things that don't benefit me directly. Whatever, it will probably be funish. However, it has made me gay. I paid 90 bucks for the shirt I am going to get married in. I haven't paid that much for any item of clothing in a LONG time. I am SO not one of those guys. On any given day, this is my outfit:

Pants I bought used for 20 or so
Black T-Shirt I bought at Target or whatever for 5-10 bucks.... Unless I wear a band or winery T-Shirt I bought for 20
Cheap ass underwear and socks
A belt I bought at the St. Paul rodeo with "JJ" stamped on the back
A pair of Born's or Keen's (I like nice shoes)

If it's cold, I wear a Kangol and my Mary's Club jacket

Notice something? NO 90 dollar shirts, 150 jeans, or any of that shit Gavin (my clothes horse buddy from the UK) wears.

The extra shitty part? It's white. You know why I wear black? Because it absorbs beer, wine, motor oil, chain lub, and other stuff. This 90 dollar shit will be ruined the night I wear it. NEAT. Fux0r.

OK that's it. BTW, does anyone read this? Let me know.

Quote of the day

Overheard whilst sitting in my backyard this morning eating breakfast. I have some interesting neighbors....

Mom: "We're gonna fight if you don't clean up the house"
Child: "I'm gonna kill you if you don't shut up"

This is why I'm in favor of abortion up to around the 20th trimester.